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Aug. 8, 2022

Episode 59: Are Martial Arts Right for Your Child with Tim B.

Many parents are looking for a way for their children to learn about self control, respect, and to be physically active. In this episode, DJ talks with Tim B., a martial arts coach and podcast host, about the benefits and best time to start martial arts with your kids, finding the right gym and how to be an involved parent by showing up and taking an active role in their accomplishments and growth.

Tim is the founder and co-host of the FIGHT IN SIGHT podcast, which covers the world of mixed martial arts. Each week his podcast interviews individuals from around the world of combat sports including UFC athletes, coaches, judges, nutritionists, body language experts, and even criminal defense lawyers! Their positive and humorous, but educational take on the fight game is one they have been proud to be bringing to their viewers and listeners for the past year and a half.

• [8:17] “It’s so important to get people active… to get kids out of the house, away from their computer screens… away from their tablets, or their video games and get them out, get them doing something.”
• [9:27] “Self confidence is the ability to have some sort of confidence in yourself… in your physical self and in your abilities to defend yourself.” 
• [16:23] Tim shares how to find the right gym for your child  and what to look for… 
• [20:56] “And when you're talking about your children going through these things, this is something that they're going to remember for the rest of their lives…”

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DJ Stutz  0:13  
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes Podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA. Perfect. 

Tim B. is the founder and co host of the Fight Insight podcast, which covers the world of Mixed Martial Arts. And their positive and humorous but educational take on the fight game is one that they've been proud to be bringing to their viewers and listeners for the past year and a half. Tim began his love of martial arts later in life than most people. First taking jeet kune do best known as Bruce Lee's style. While he was at university, and then later studying white tie, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and boxing. I hope I said all those right, Jim continues to train and has helped many fighters through their fight camps for competition. He was also a tennis coach for many years and has had vast experience of coaching children, and dealing with parents, there's so much to learn. So let's get started.

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Many parents are looking for a way for their children to learn about self control, respect, and to be physically active. And I think all of us know families that have chosen one or more of the martial arts for their children. And perhaps you're one of those families. Well, Tim b is a great authority on many aspects of martial arts. And so he's got his podcast, and he's made connections with fighters, attorneys, health experts, coaches, event planners, and more of those pieces of that martial arts world. And so he's able to speak to that whole picture of the sport. And in this conversation that we have, we talked about when is a good time to start martial arts with your kids. What are the benefits are so important, how to find the gym that is right for your kids, and how to be the right kind of parent. So let's listen in. Hey, everyone, I am so glad you chose to spend this time with us. I have an amazing guest this week with such a fun topic, but I think an important one. And his name is Tim bait. He is a specialist in martial arts has a lot to offer. And we're talking about our martial arts good for our kids. What are the benefits? What are the things to look out for? How to find a good Dojo or gym or whatever? And so Tim, why don't you give us a little background on you.

Tim B.  4:08  
Thank you very much DJ. First of all, I'm really appreciative of you having me on I really appreciate the opportunity and a time to speak to your listeners. I come from a generally normal background and played a lot of sports growing up, I was playing a lot of soccer and tennis competitively growing up and never really got into martial arts because I was way too busy. And then I think it was in university there was a martial arts class that was going on in my university and I took it up there and fell in love with it. Of course as a young boy, you know, watching martial arts on TV and cartoons and all that you always want to do it. So I finally got the chance when I was reaching into adulthood, and then spent, I don't know five or six years with my first place that I was training at. I was training in the Filipino Martial Arts which is knife fighting, a screamer which is the sticks and then G punto, which is what Bruce Lee is known for, and then took a little bit of a break from it. Of course around that time that's when UFC Ultimate Fighting Championship starts to get popular on TV starts to get really crazy and ended up finding myself in adulthood finding. It was a muay thai slash mixed martial arts gym that did Muay Thai jujitsu, and a little bit of wrestling, and join there. And then I've been there ever since. I think I've been there now, maybe about 10 years, but I've been having a great time enjoying it, training, studying. And then just seeing everything that happens in martial arts. So that's it. And then aside from that, you got my regular corporate day job. And the way that you found me, of course, is that about a year and a half ago, I began a mixed martial arts podcast that I have.

DJ Stutz  5:43  
Yeah. And that's a fun one. You actually had some of the fighters on with you?

Tim B.  5:49  
Yeah, yeah. When we started the podcast, it was just, you know, something to do during the pandemic, we couldn't go in and train so a friend of mine, and I decided we were started. And then we thought, you know, what, why don't we try to reach out and have some guests on and see if we can get some professional fighters, and I'm proud to say that we're at week 73. This week, and every single week has been a guest from around the world and of combat sports professionals, amateurs, whatever, you name it. But you know, we've had a lot of big names, and we're really happy and having a great time.

DJ Stutz  6:18  
That sounds like so much fun. And what's the name of your podcast?

Tim B.  6:22  
So the name of our podcast is fight in sight podcast.

DJ Stutz  6:26  
Fight. I n in sight sight? Yeah. Awesome. Well, it's a good opportunity. If you have kids that are even if you're an adult interested in all of that and want to hear from some of the names that are going around with Yeah, UFC,

Tim B.  6:44  
UFC. Well, we have from everywhere, like Muay Thai fighters, one F's in Asia. So yeah, it's anywhere. And really, you don't have to be into martial arts, you don't have the low margins, because what we like to do is talk to people and just figure about like, what's their normal life? How are they doing? What's what's new with them? So yeah, we just like to have a good time.

DJ Stutz  7:02  
Fun. That's a lot. All right. So I have a grandson that is into karate, his younger sister at four years old, has just started. I have a nephew. That's a third degree black belt. And then there was mice. We put into taekwondo when he was younger. This is my ADHD boy. And I think, you know, it'll give him the energy and the right thing. Well, after the fourth hole in the door, we kind of ended it. Yeah, I was doing something all wrong. And so let's talk about what are some of the great things, I can see my nephew, my grandson, and I can see the confidence and the excitement and all of that. What do you see as some of the benefits of getting your little ones, boys and girls into martial arts? Yeah, definitely.

Tim B.  8:00  
And I think that's a main point that you raise right there boys and girls, this is no longer is this, like the olden days when this is just a little boy thing to do. Right? This is for any children that are interested in it. It's good for First of all, it's good for health, and athletics, of course. And in today's day and age, right, that's so important to get people active to get kids out of the house, away from their computer screens away from their tablets, or their video games and get them out, get them doing something. That's the first thing. So it's health, and it's exercise for them. The second thing, I think, is it's socialization. It's social skills, right? In martial arts, because it's a, it's individual, but it's a team environment, right, you're going to be training with lots of other kids at the gym at the same time. And that gives them an opportunity to be around other children and socialize. So of course, that's important. Then, of course, there's the self defense aspect, right? You want your children to be able to defend themselves. And I know that's crazy, because of course, no parent thinks that their children's ever going to be in harm's way or be attacked or get into a fight. But the fact of the matter is, is that these things do happen. And so for a child to understand what it's like when someone grabs them, or when someone calls them or touches them so that if that unfortunately ever happens, they don't panic, and that they'll have been in that scenario before and that they'll be able to control themselves or understand the environment that they've put themselves in. And then lastly, I would probably say is as you raised is the Self confidence is the ability to have some sort of confidence in yourself in your physical self and in your abilities to defend yourself. This is not about making your kid a bully. By all means this is the exact opposite. It teaches children respect it teaches children honor and it teaches children how to use their skills and their and their ability to punch or kick or grab a it gives them an outlet to do it. So that be when they're in school. They don't need to be doing that they don't need to prove themselves because you know what if I want to engage physically, I do that when I go to my martial arts class, and I think that that really gives them an outlet to do that. That is safe and that is controlled. Right?

DJ Stutz  10:13  
It's funny when I think of bullying, connected to martial arts, I go straight to karate kid and yeah, Cobra Kai.

Tim B.  10:23  
Yeah, of course, you know, it's funny, because actually, a lot of the guests that we have on our show, male fighters and female fighters, when we ask them, How did you get involved into mixed martial arts? Or how did you get involved in martial arts, many times, it comes from the fact that they were being bullied. And so their parents as their child was being bullied decided, hey, I've got to push you into martial arts to kind of learn how to protect yourself and defend yourself. So it's, you know, it's a very common thing that happens in the world where where kids are being put into that situation.

DJ Stutz  10:53  
I was talking to my grandson, just a couple of weeks ago, we were all together. And I asked him what was the job of a daddy. And he said, Daddy's job is to protect our family. And then he jumped right in, and he said, but he doesn't need to protect me. I know just what to do. Because I take karate, and I you know, but I've been to some of his classes there in Reno. And when I've been visiting, and I was really impressed with how they were working with the kids on things, like how to get out of someone's grass, how to say Get away from me with confidence, and all of those things. And I thought, that's good, because I think you're right. If they know what to do, they won't panic. And right. So then their brain can work differently and help them get out of a situation that is dangerous.

Tim B.  11:52  
Yeah, that's right. It's like with anything that we do any kind of hobby, or any kind of thing that we enjoy doing. It's practice makes perfect. And it's about developing that muscle memory. So if a parent thinks that, hey, I'm going to enroll my kid in a weakened self defense class, and they're gonna be fine, that's not really true. You want to be doing it constantly, all the time, practicing them maneuvers so that it becomes second nature, right? So that you develop that muscle memory. If someone grabs you, I instinctually know what to do. You don't want the person to think back. Okay, what did I do that one weekend when I was in grade six, how did I learn how to do that? No, that's not it, they need to do it in that split second and know how to do it. And of course, I'm not silly by any means. I know that teaching anybody some self defense, it's not going to guarantee anything, but it's going to help and increases your chance of turning a bad situation into not so bad situation. Right?

DJ Stutz  12:43  
Right. And I think really with everything, nothing's 100% with any person, or with any child. But I do think you bring up a really important point. And it's practice, and it's keeping up with the so that it's fresh, and it's at the front of their brain. That's right. And if God forbid, something should happen, that we've given them at least a better chance.

Tim B.  13:11  
Yeah. And you know, they often say that bullies when it comes to children, that bullies will pick on people that they know they can pick on, right? Bullying is going to look for someone that isn't going to push back or fight back or that or someone that will just cower. That's what they're looking for. That's what a bully is looking for. When a child is enrolled in martial arts, and of course, there's lots of different types of martial arts and whatnot, but any type of martial art that gives them a sense of pride and gives them a sense of empowerment. No matter what the age, those bullies will identify that that child is not wanting to be picked on, not because they think that that kid can beat me up. But just because that's not the bullies mentality. The bully wants to pick on someone that they feel that they can just intimidate a child and control and a child that is involved in martial arts will not have that sense or should not write with, you know that that's what we're hoping for.

DJ Stutz  14:07  
Well, it's really cool for me years ago, because it's been about four years. I was teaching kindergarten, just what I did. And I had a little boy in my class. The family was homeless, they were living in a shelter. And throughout the year, it was interesting as we worked with the family, the school was working with them. We got them in touch with the right social services. So they were able to find stable housing. And right toward the end of the year, they were stable enough and they enrolled this little guy in I don't think it was karate, but it was some kind of martial arts. And so he had been very, not confident in everything in everything, almost afraid to learn because there was so much else going on. And as things became more stable, you could See the growth? Well, a full year later, I get an email from his mom, and said that he was testing to move up to a belt color belt or something. Yeah. And he had asked if I could come and watch. And of course, I went to cars Saturday and headed over and watch this little guy. And the change in him, was just so inspiring. He was confident he was happy, he was stood taller. And it really I could see the difference that it made in him.

Tim B.  15:41  
No, that's it. And you know, and it's, it's important, you know, when when you find a gym for your child, that you identified it, that it's an environment that's going to create that or that's going to promote that kind of behavior. There's a lot of places that can just be like pop up gyms and things like that, that aren't going to give you the kind of environment that you're looking for that may not be giving your child those skills. But when you find the right one, yeah, that's what you really in the best case scenario, that's where you're hoping for. So that brings up

DJ Stutz  16:09  
a really interesting point. And I'd like you to maybe spend a few minutes talking about that is how do you find the right gym? What are the things that you look for? And maybe what are some of the red flags?

Tim B.  16:23  
I'll probably have a unique take on this, that maybe not everybody boots share, but everybody's gonna Google it now. Right? That's gonna be the first thing that anyone does. Anytime that I go to a restaurant was the first thing my wife's doing, she's googling it to see what other people are saying and whatnot, right? So you can do that. That's fine. Obviously, that's an ability that we all have now. But I think some of the key things when you go in there is a you want to see that the place is clean. Right? This is physical activity, you're gonna be rolling on the ground windows. So you want to make sure that the environment is clean. That's number one, I would say. The second thing is that you do want to see that it's an environment where there is structure to the classes if you walk into a martial arts gym, and all they're doing is just running around and goofing around. And you don't really see that the instructor Sensei, the professor has control over the children than maybe this is more like a daycare, right? It's not giving what you want. For myself when I was looking for a martial art gym, and it's funny, you brought up Cobra Kai and karate kid. My first ever sensei looked exactly like the bad guy from Karate Kid. I literally thought it was him. He was the meanest guy. He was mean, if you demonstrated a technique wrong, he would, you know, within a second, you'd be on your back on the ground, he'd have you in a wrist lock, and you'd be asking him to get up, right. He was a tough guy. But I really liked that. And I always think that was what set me on a good path in martial arts, because you wanted someone that demanded respect, and then set that tone for the class. It wasn't crazy. It wasn't abusive, or anything like that. But it was just, he was the guy and you were listening to him. And he was in control. And it just set forth a very structured class. So to me, I really liked that. And when people asked me, you know, what kind of gym should we find? I do think that that's important. And I'll say this is going to be something that I'm going to kind of move into here is that you really do want to look at the other parents in the gym.

DJ Stutz  18:22  
I was just gonna ask that

Tim B.  18:23  
next. Right. And I know this podcast is you know about parenting. So you want to look at the other parents, because I have witnessed at the gyms that I've been at, where there can be parents that are quite aggressive with their children. Right? I grew up with a father who was extremely hard on me, he would always be yelling from the sidelines, when I was playing soccer or yelling from the bleachers when I was playing tennis, to the point that other parents would like, ask me if I'm okay, and stuff like so it was not a good scene. You know, I can see that now times in the martial arts gyms, where there are parents that you can see are kind of given it to their kids. I feel that a martial arts instructor or the coach or the Sensei, in identifying that are seeing that needs to address that situation. Right, they need to go over and again, again, going back to my podcast, we've had professional we've had professional coaches, or fighters that coach and we've asked them about this subject when it happens to me in real life. The next time I have a guest I'll talk to them, because that's what we love to do right on our podcast, you as well. And I asked one of our guests, I said, Hey, what happens if you have a parent who's very aggressive? And she said, I go over to that parent, and I say, I'm the coach, by coach, you're the parent, you parent. And she said, There is no room for a parent to be overly aggressive or, you know, giving a sense of bad energy, I'll say in that environment, and she takes control of that and says no, I've had that before and I do With that, and I think that if you're going to a gym as well, you want to make sure because you don't want that parent creating a toxic environment for their child or for your child or for or just the gym in general. I think that's important that you look at the other parents. You see how they are, and then you make sure that it's a right fit for you.

DJ Stutz  20:18  
Yeah. And so I was wondering, when a parent is looking for a good childcare, preschool, or whatever, I highly suggest going and watching before you enroll your child watching for even an hour, how things are moving, how did they manage a child? That's been disrespectful or, yes, non compliant? And so I'm thinking, that's really kind of the same? Definitely. Yeah,

Tim B.  20:47  
yeah. No, no watch. Yeah, definitely. You know, like, this is a big thing. It's not just a time commitment, but it's a money commitment. Yeah. And when you're talking about your children going through these things, this is something that they're going to remember for the rest of their lives, you know what I mean? So you want that experience in your child's life to be something that they're going to look back on with fond memories, and something that they're going to enjoy. And the other thing is that this isn't just a sport, as we talked about, this is about self confidence, self empowerment, right? The ability to defend oneself. So it's not like you're throwing them into a soccer camp and going, if you don't learn soccer, who cares? Right? The point of this is really, so they develop some life skills. So you really don't want this to be something you just go to willy nilly, you know, and I agree with you, if you go there, you watch a few of the classes, you take a look, you introduce yourself to the people that are running the gym, the people that are there, and you get a good sense of is this the right environment for my child, and is my child going to enjoy it.

DJ Stutz  21:47  
And I think too, as kids have very different personalities. And so just because Joey's friend might do really well, in one gym, it doesn't mean my child will do really well. In the same gym, they might have different personalities and react to different things. And so you're going looking for all these important things that you just talked about. But additionally, looking for I know, my kid, what are they going to really jump into and respect that brings up? I feel like martial arts really teaches about respect and how to show respect. And who do you show respect to? And I just love that that's a big part of the martial art scene.

Tim B.  22:38  
Yeah, definitely. I think that's something that's kind of unique to martial arts, amongst any other kind of extracurricular activity that you could have your child and it's just ingrained into martial arts, right, depending on what martial arts you're going to, but the bowing, the respect, and those are all things that are tradition. And that makes it what it is. And that's why I'm saying if you go to a gym and all the kids are just running around, then then that's not really sticking true to what that is. But you're right. You know, I think the the honor and respect is a big thing. I know that like Chimp, anytime someone comes to the gym, and they're injured, you know, they've got a busted arm or a busted leg or whatnot. And I'll go over to the person and say, Oh, how did you hurt yourself? 99% of the time, it's not doing martial arts. They're like, Oh, I was out playing soccer. And someone tackled me, oh, I was playing football on this, I was playing basketball and someone went hard on me. It's so funny, that in my you know, almost 15 years now of doing it, it's barely ever that the person is injured as a result of fighting or sparring. And it's amazing, but it's because when you're sparring with someone, there is that respect, there's the respect of like, okay, we're doing this to train or to practice, I'm not going to hurt you or doing anything like that. And there's that mutual respect. And I just think that that's beautiful. And it's funny that every time I'm hurt, my friends will say, Oh, is that from your martial arts that you do, you know, thinking like, they're kind of like, immediately assuming no volleyball accident, you know, it's, it's always something else. So, and that's the respect to right. It's even when they are engaging in sparring sessions or things like that. And that's for your listeners, that's where the two people will be fighting one another in a controlled environment, right? Even there, there's all that respect that is shown. And from beginning stages of that your child will be taught how to make sure that they're not overly aggressive or hurting someone and things like that. So I think that that's a wonderful thing for children to learn.

DJ Stutz  24:35  
Yeah. And I really liked the way that you're talking about them. Not only showing respect to their coach, their Sensei, whatever it is, yes, but they're showing respect to each other.

Tim B.  24:47  
That's right. Yeah, no, that's definitely it. It's about showing respect goes beyond that. You know, I know. My wife just the other day we were at the mall, and one of the kids from the gym was at the mall hanging out with his buddies. And we walk by and he comes right over and I'm talking. He's a teenager hanging at the mall with his buddies, right? And he took the time up sauce and comes right over, Hey, how are you guys how's everything made a point to come over be respectful, say hello. And I just remember stopping almost with my wife, I'm going to see what he just did. Like, how crazy is that? You know, you wouldn't expect that. But that kid grew up in the gym. And I'm telling you, I've got to attribute it to that good parenting, good parenting, of course. But I definitely think that that definitely plays a role in it.

DJ Stutz  25:34  
I think that brings us back to confidence. Here he is with all of his friends. And yet he's pulling himself away, you know, they're gonna watch and and see where he's going in what he's doing. And then he goes to talk to some adult and say, hey, you know what's going on? And he has confidence, and he probably has the friends that would respect that. Because when you're confident, and when you're in that mindset, it changes who you're gonna choose to hang out with? And if that's right, yeah, I just had a conversation, in fact, this last weekend at my granddaughter's birthday party, and I was talking to some of the parents about what I do. And they all go to a private school here in Salt Lake. And they were saying it only goes up to eighth grade. And they were really worried about what's going to happen to them in high school. Yeah. And what I told them was, if they are used to going to school with, because this is a high academic standard school, it's, it demands a certain amount of commitment to getting the grades and all of that. So if that's the friends that they're used to hanging out with, they will look for something that is familiar. And they will be able to identify friends that will be similar to them as they're in high school, in the pantry, like all that. So relieving, it makes total sense. But I think this is the same kind of thing as they hang out. And this is something that they love, that gives them confidence. They're going to be making friends in their own gym, where they're going, and they're going to look for other students or other kids to be friends with who kind of have that same mindset.

Tim B.  27:27  
Yeah, no, I agree. And I think being in a gym as well, unlike other sports that let's say you roll your kid in soccer or whatnot, they're gonna get put into their age bracket, right? In martial arts, unless it's like a toddler class or something like that. Normally, it's quite varying in age. And as the child gets to be into, I would say, the tween age, a lot of them will transfer over into the adult classes, because maybe the younger kids will just be too young for them. And they go, oh, you know what, I want to go into the adult classes, right from then I mean, random class, you're gonna get partnered up with an adult, a man or a woman, whatever. So in terms of the socialization, part of it, with the rest tied into the respect, it's that right, then they're getting involved in all these scenarios, where you're engaging with other people. And yeah, you have to show that level of respect and whatnot. So it's not uncanny to them when they're meeting different people. And so, again, it's something that martial arts brings to the table that any other sport really does not, it lets them engage with different people. And yeah, that respect is ingrained into it. So it's a big thing that I don't know, I can't express enough how important it would be,

DJ Stutz  28:37  
Oh, for sure. And then that's talk about how that would relate to when they're an adult. And they're in a working environment. And now, they might have a boss who's a lot older than them, they might have a boss that younger than them, they're going to have coworkers, or maybe a supervisor that is below you know, there's all different levels of supervision in any job that you go to. And they're going to have that experience of working with people who would not be in their regular peer group, but in all different levels. And there'll be confident in doing that they'll be able to read someone and understand kind of where they're coming from, don't you think?

Tim B.  29:26  
Well, yeah, no, definitely. I think that. Yeah. And it's, you know, in terms of diversity, right. That's a big key word now in today's society as well, but if it's the diversity, right, I remember when I was a kid and playing soccer, there was the Italian team. And there was the Jamaican team, right? It wasn't supposed to be right. It was just regions of teams. But that's what had happened because people find one another right. They find people like themselves, like you're kind of saying, and so the teams kind of became it was almost like the Olympics. Like all the teams they were they were, they were the different country. So, in martial arts, that really doesn't happen, because you're going to a gym, and at least not not that I can really think of, you know, all the gyms are very multicultural. And so there's that, again, another added layer of something that martial arts may bring that other sports or other athletics may not bring to your child. But yeah, it's gonna bring that sense of diversity, you're going to be around all different people doing the same thing working together to develop your skills, or to help one another develop. And there is the team aspect, because you're talking about work and working with people. But you know, in martial arts, it's not just always training for myself, but if my friend is training for a fight, then I'm going to be part of his fight camp, I'm going to hold pads for him, I'm going to help go on runs with him and things like that. So there is a team community and a team aspect as well, that you're going to build. And like you said, with people of all different types of therefore, when they graduate into the working world, it's something that is so very common to them. It's it will not be out of the norm for them to engage with different people of all different types.

DJ Stutz  31:02  
That's something that I saw with my nephew, that's the third degree. And I could see him, he would be taking off, I've got to go help so and so. And then I'll talk to his mom about one of his friends. And she said, You know, it's kind of cool. This is a woman. He was 18 at the time, and this woman was in her 30s. But she was working to get her black belt, and he was off to help her train and to be part of that experience and effort game, like you said, and so then that even brings us into another zone of service. And looking at people and thinking they need some help, and I can help them. Let me jump in.

Tim B.  31:49  
Yeah, definitely, it definitely gives that kind of onus on martial artists as they get older, there's always that sense of giving back. Because the thing is, is that there will be classes that will be for advanced or beginner, right? But not always in my gym. In reality, there's gonna be a few classes a week where maybe it's the people that are getting ready for a fight that might be training together, and they might train a little bit harder. But seven days a week, the Muay Thai class for adults, is first day ever, or 10 year veteran, we're all in the same class, we're all doing the same thing. And because of that, you know, you start to see cycles of people come through, you know, people will come the last few years, and then they'll bolt and then a new batch will come in, right. So you're constantly seeing new people. But yeah, again, the environment really lends itself to creating a sense of community where everybody's helping one another. I remember there's a funny story. We were doing a mixed martial arts class over you know, it's mixed martial arts means a little bit of everything you're doing striking grappling, Jujitsu, whatever. So we're doing a class and the guy teaching, it was actually a UFC fighter, Canadian, UFC fighter, Sean Pearson. And great guy, he's very much like the Karate Kid guy to stern, tough guy, you know, over teaching this class. And there were the regulars that were there for a while. And then suddenly, there started to come these, I would say, probably grade nine grade 10 group of four was two guys, two girls, little Asian kids. small in stature, had never really done it before, but start to sign up. So they're there with all of us. And at the end of every class, Shawn would say, Okay, we're going to do some sparring, we're gonna fight one another and just drill. And so when they always thought that for group, as they came, he would always just say, Okay, you guys, just go with yourselves. You know? Well, sure enough, one day one of them doesn't come. So now they need a partner. And I remember Shawn turned to me and said, Hey, Tim, can you go and train with these guys for today? Like, I just need you to rotate with those three kids? And I was like, Yeah, sure. No problem, right. And for me, being in this world, I think, okay, no problem. I don't think anything of it. And he turned to me and said, I don't trust any of these other people to train with these kids. Because, yeah, because he knew, like, if you hadn't been there long enough, and you hadn't, you know, developed the respect or developed your skills enough to be able to work with like younger people, or people that are less skilled, he was worried that some of these more teenage kids might hit them a little bit too hard or something. Right. So he was like, you gotta go help me out here. It's like, oh, yeah, of course shot but yeah, you know, so there's always new kids coming in. There's always veterans and we're all together in one class. And so there's always the expectation that you're gonna pass it down, and you're gonna pass it down, pay it forward, whatever term you will use, but you're always gonna, you know, hey, I was in that scenario before where I didn't know how to do that or where I was having difficulty. Now I'm good at it. I'm gonna go help the one that needs it. And so it's lovely to hear that your grants and was in that same scenario, right? Yeah. Yeah. Hoping that she first or sorry, your nephew. Yeah.

DJ Stutz  35:06  
But that's fun. And I think too, when one other thing is that, so my two grandkids that are in it so so then he's the six year old and very rule oriented, very focused very into that. And then two years later, they started in Greenland. And at four years old, and not to that not very focused. But what's fun is to see that their coach was able to adapt with that. And so we're seeing some of that being built up. In Ingrid, where was Sylvan it just came automatically. He, you know, he was that kid. But to see the progress of ingredients, so having someone that is able to make those adjustments, but at the same time, you may see that this gem is really good for Silvan someone like Sylvan, but it may not be so good for someone like Ingrid. And so you might have to find something different for that personality. And my daughter is lucky enough that, you know, the coaches, they're able to make those adjustments, and they understand some of child development, but you need to be really open to not what's convenient for you. But what is best for your child.

Tim B.  36:35  
Yeah, and exactly, I mean, that that goes for, like every sport that you're gonna go into, right, you're gonna make sure that the environment, you're putting them as referees, and you're right, it may not be the right one for everyone. And like I said, how the way that the there's a turnover with students. So same thing, you know, you could put your first child in and it's perfect, the coaches are great, the gym is great, everything is perfect, and the other kids are great, and the parents are great. But by the time your second child gets to the age where you're going to enroll them, maybe the dynamics have changed, maybe the students that are there right now, or maybe not the best for your child. So yeah, always be aware of the scenario that you're putting them in. And again, because you are hoping that this is a longer term commitment, this isn't like just a summer activity or something like that. This is something that you want them to stick with, for years. You know, like, I mean, I don't want to say life, it's not a life sentence. But you know, for years, for years, definitely let let them develop the skills, let them enjoy themselves, let them get into it. And then and I'm sure you and your listeners know, but you know, then they're gonna let their child see where they want to go with it. And they want to continue. But if you put them in the right environment and put them in something that truly is enjoyable and helpful for them, I would think that they're going to see the value of it.

DJ Stutz  37:48  
Yeah. So one of the question that I had too, is when you're looking at baseball, football, soccer, volleyball, Indian, badminton, whatever, team sport you're wanting to get your child's into, there's a season to it. And so you have that off time. My boys, they like Pocky. And then you have on time, but with this kind of thing. It's year round. And yeah, what are some of the things you would consider with that?

Tim B.  38:21  
Um, that's difficult. You know, it is a year round sport. So when I was growing up, like I said, I played soccer and tennis. But there was no offseason for me either. There was, you know, we played outdoor soccer. And then when outdoor soccer ended, we had our indoor leagues. And so my competitive team was enrolled in leagues year round, tennis, same thing, you're on the outdoor courts, or you're in the indoor courts. So in terms of, yeah, so in terms of I know, baseball, I know that kids are in baseball and stuff like that those can be a little bit more seasonal, because it's it relies on on the outdoors. So for me, my life has always been involved in sports, where there was no such thing as seasons and just the venue changed. For marginalized hey, look, if you want to do it on the off season of the other sport you're playing, right. So if you're playing baseball during the summer, and then you say, Okay, well, martial arts is going to be my winter program. Hey, no problem. Definitely not definitely not a thing. Unlike baseball, where games are going to be every Thursday, or your practices are every Tuesday, martial arts. And normally, if you go to a gym, they're going to have classes every day that you just slot yourself in. So it is possible that you would be able to do martial arts year round without needing to stop even if you're involved in another sport that takes up a predominant time during a set season. But it's up to you. I mean, the thing is, is that your kid may tell you, they don't want an offseason, because at the other kids are continuing to go and they're making friends and those kids are going to continue to go and progress. Especially if you're in a martial art where there's a belt system or something like that. You know darn well that your kid is not going to be too happy. Billy's got his next level and he's still stuck at the other one. So he's gonna want to kind of partake in that. So that's up to you, though. But there's definitely no right or wrong answer there. It's whatever you think is appropriate for your child and what you can invest in what you can afford, right? timewise or financially? Yeah, just make it whatever is best for you.

DJ Stutz  40:15  
Sometimes it's a nice thing to have during spring break or summer break or whatever. That oh, gosh, we've got something to take them to. Well, yeah, for sure. Not here all day with nothing really planned to do they have something to look forward to. Yeah, for sure. That's a big plus as well. Yeah. So if people want to get a hold of you, or learn more, where would they go?

Tim B.  40:41  
So we would love for you to come over and check out the podcast, you can watch yours and then come over and watch mine I find to be second for your lizard. So it's the fight insight podcast FIA ght in sight si ght fight insight podcast, you'll find us on YouTube, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts. We are a audio and visual podcast. So it can be audio only depending on where you pick it up if you get on Apple podcast, but if you're on Spotify, or YouTube, there is the audio component, or sorry, the video component. And if you want to find us in terms of socials, we're mostly on Instagram at fight insight podcast. And if you wanted to email for any questions, you know, if as a result of listening to this, you think, Hey, I just want to ask a few more questions about different martial arts or certain martial arts. I'd be happy to, you know, answer your viewers questions. No problem at all. Just reach us at

DJ Stutz  41:37  
Awesome. And I will have as usual, all of that information is going to be down in the show notes. So if you don't have a pen and paper at the ready, no worries, you just go down to the show notes. So I always ask my guests the same question as we start drawing things to a close. How would you define a successful parent?

Tim B.  42:02  
I think a successful parent, for me would be someone who has raised a child who is happy, who can look back at their childhood and have good memories. And those good memories don't have to be expensive vacations or expensive toys. But it's good memories of things that they remembered doing with their parent, where their parent was involved, where their parent was engaged in the same things that they were. I think that's the biggest thing. I think just spending time I look back at my childhood. And I think what an amazing mother I had. And I think about all those times she spent taking me to the comic bookstore, and reading and reading comics that I know she hated. But she read them with me. Building Legos with me spending all day just at a table building Legos, playing games with me board games, board games, again, I know she hated them. But she played them with those are the memories that I look back on spending time going for going for walks doing things. It's really my mother just passed away last month. So I've just been recently thinking about this a lot. But you know, all the memories I remembered are, it's never the vacations. It's never like a big toy or a big thing like that. It's always the time. It's the time that we spent together. And when I can look back at my childhood and know that I'm happy, and that my happiness stems from all that time that she invested in me. I think that's what makes a good parent.

DJ Stutz  43:48  
I think you're right there. Yeah, the time that you give. So quantity is as important as quality.

Unknown Speaker  44:01  
It Yeah, you know, what are the ways? Actually yeah, that's pretty. That's that's a good one. That's pretty ingenious there, DJ. Yeah, it's not just one off moments. You know, and I think in today's society, as well as when I'm at the martial arts gym, there's certain parents that are standing there watching their children, being happy and monitoring them and you know, being engaged with it. And then there are parents that are in the back on their iPhone, looking at their social medias. And I think that's not great. There's some kids in that gym that when they do a good kick, and they're really proud, they can look over and there's their mom or dad smiling at them. And then there's another kid. Same thing throws that beautiful kick so proud. Looks over and mom and dad's not there. And why? Because you need to know what I don't even know what you know, social media superstar, I should say A for this podcast but you know, I don't know like, oh my goodness drawing a total blank but you know what? Yeah what? Yeah, like Yeah, like what is Jennifer Lawrence doing or whatever Right. Like that's that's probably the worst that's probably the worst present giving you know, what is Chris Hemsworth doing? You know, what is Chris Hemsworth? What is your liking looking at JJ? Watt, you know, what is he doing today? What cereal? Is he eating? You know, something like that. But that's not important your kid is in that gym doing something that they're proud of? Be there be there with them. And you're right. It's not about doing it one time. It's about it being there all the time. Yeah, I think that's what a successful parent is.

DJ Stutz  45:39  
I love it, I think. Yeah. Thank you for that. That was wonderful. So Tim B, thank you so much for being a part of this and spending that time in sharing your insight. I'm just thrilled that we had this time together.

Tim B.  45:56  
Oh, thank you so much. This is such a great pleasure and a great honor for me to be on your podcast. I love the podcast community. I love, you know, being on other people's podcasts and being able to meet other people and share and enjoy what they're doing. And you're doing a great job. And I listened to some of your podcasts. And they're amazing. So thank you so much.

DJ Stutz  46:15  
Thank you. Yep. And I'm sure we'll connect with each other sometime down the road. For sure. Yep. Thanks. All right, thank you. Tim offered a few key ideas that I thought were really important. First off, find the right gym or Dojo for your child. That's more important even than finding the right kind of martial arts that you want them to be involved in. Be there for your kiddo, don't be a drop off and pickup kind of parents, your kids really look to you. And they want you to see the growth they make or did you really cool kick that I did. All of those things are so important for them. And then while you're there, be the right parent for your child. And that goes for any sport that your family chooses to be a part of. So if you're interested in finding Tim B, all of his contact information is down there in the show notes. And if you're interested in my group coaching program called the Cicerone Society, it is currently open for registration until August 18. The doors will close at midnight on the 18th. And I only open this program three times a year. And you're not going to want to miss out on all of the great information and connections with other parents who are just like you, when you join, you're going to learn how to be a calmer parent, while standing strong with your boundaries and expectations. You will also learn what is appropriate behavior as your kids grow. Remember, at your age, most of the time they actually are and how to manage tantrums, how to get your kids to get along with each other, how to get your kids to bed, and then how to get them out of the door in the morning. And then we covered just so many more things that are going to help you be the parent you want to be and raise a family that is independent, contributing, self confident and has the values that you want them to have. I know you're not going to want to miss out. So I put the link to register in the show notes below. And I know I keep asking. But while you're looking over the show notes, go ahead and leave a rating and review and follow the podcast, taking the time to give the podcast a five star rating. And a review really does make the podcasts easier for other people to find. And we're able to help more families. It's all about analytics, my friends. So remember, join me every Tuesday night for my Facebook Live event. The new podcast comes out on Mondays. And so this gives you Monday and Tuesday to listen. And then you can join in at the live and ask questions and share your own stories. And your thoughts about that episode. Did you like it? Did you not like it? How could it have been better, didn't give you anything that you can change within your family and caring for yourself. Whatever the topic is, you'll find the live at the Imperfect Heroes podcast page on Facebook. So you can check it out at seven o'clock Mountain Time. And September is actually going to be a test month for me. I'm going to do an Instagram Live on Wednesdays at six Mountain Time. And we're gonna see what kind of participation we get. And so now you're going to have two opportunities to learn more and participate free of charge. And next week I'm so excited. Next week will be episode 60. I can't even believe it. Well, that means that sense it's an episode where the number ends in a zero. I am going to be joined by my My occasional co host, Bailey Olsen. You're not gonna miss this one. You're telling stories about just growing up in a large family. We're both the oldest of seven kids and how we actually managed to survive. So we hope to see you there and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by

Tim B.Profile Photo

Tim B.

Podcast Host

Tim is the founder and cohost of the FIGHT IN SIGHT podcast, which cover the world of mixed martial arts. Each week his podcast interviews individuals from around the world of combat sports including UFC athletes, coaches, judges, nutritionists, body language experts, and even criminal defense lawyers!
Their positive and humorous, but educational take on the fight game is one they have been proud to be bringing to their viewers and listeners for the past year and a half.

Tim began his love of martial arts later in life than most, first taking jeet kun do (best known as Bruce Lee's style) in university, and later studying muay thai, Brazilian jiu jitsu, and boxing. Tim continues to train and has helped many fighters through their fight camps for competition.

A coach himself for many years in tennis, Tim has vast experience in coaching children and dealing with parents.

Tim lives in Toronto with his beautiful wife Erin, and their fur baby Lito!