Episode 112: Nervous Systems and Ninja Moves: Unleashing Your Stress-Busting Superpowers with Adam Hart

Children  0:00  
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes Podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA!

DJ Stutz  0:09  
Welcome heroes and heroines to Episode 112 of Imperfect Heroes - Insights IntoPparenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host DJ Stutz.

Welcome to Imperfect Heroes podcast and today get ready to have a blast as we dive into the fascinating conversation with the one the only Adam Hart, the stress busting guru for busy parents and families worldwide. Picture this, you're juggling work, your family and life's endless demands. And this can sometimes feel like trying to tame a bunch of hyperactive monkeys on unicycles. Well, stress creeps in and suddenly, we find ourselves doing weird things like stress eating broccoli ice cream, or trying to meditate while wrestling with a family pet. Stress management, more like stress mismanagement? Well, Fear not. Because Adam is here to save the day with his witty wisdom and top notch expertise. As an international speaker and best selling author. He knows all the ins and outs of how stress affects our relationships with our partners and our kids. And he's got a secret stash of tricks up his sleeves to help us out. In this episode, we're uncovering the do's and don'ts of stress management. And you might just find out why your attempts at calming down with a cheeseburger shaped Stress Ball haven't been working well explored how even the pressures of dieting and the gym can add to our stress, and Adam will share his curious approach to finding the core of these issues. Be prepared to be entertained, and enlightened as we skip through stress induced broccoli cravings and dive deep into the power of nervous system regulation and energetic attraction. Adams mission is to help us trade our stress induced frowns for genuine smiles and connect with our loved ones on a whole new level. So get ready to discover the keys to stress free connections as we embark on this joyous journey with the one the only Adam Hart. Let's get started. 

Hey, everyone, thanks for choosing to spend the next little bit with Imperfect Heroes. And, you know, it seems like this topic is in the news on every area. And that's stress, how it's affecting us how it affects us at work, how it affects our health, how it affects parenting, and all of that kind of stuff. But it's just so prevalent right now in the conversations. And so my amazing guest I had today is Adam Hart. Adam, why don't you talk just a little bit about your perspective and where you're coming from?

Adam Hart  3:16  
Yeah, appreciate that. Yeah, and um, I guess you can call me a stress specialist. But I predominantly spend my time coaching busy parents to feel more at ease with how life is unfolding. And it comes from my own experience having at occupational burnout in my 20s and being diagnosed ADHD and being pre diabetic and having a really heavy sugar addiction growing up and, you know, my ability to start to find my own way of de stressing and becoming more peaceful and calm with how my life was unfolding. It took something to get there. But it's a it's there's definitely a message that it doesn't have to be as difficult as many of us feel it might be right now. And so that's what we'll dive into. I'm sure.

DJ Stutz  4:02  
Yes, absolutely. And so, you know, it's interesting, because we talk about ADHD, we talk about diet, we talk about all of these other things that that contribute. I have my own little sugar addiction that will tell you clearly. And so trying to come through and work through those things, and then understanding how that affects us in so many areas of our life. And so today we're talking about parenting, but really, it's what's going on inside because that's what's affecting our parenting is how we're feeling how, you know, stressed out we are or whether we're depressed. That's another thing that can stress can induce and so I think it's so out there, people know what's there, but either we don't know what to do, or we're struggling with giving up like that sugar addiction or the other things that are contributing that we can do to really maybe get some things turned around.

Adam Hart  5:04  
Yeah, it's and it's tricky because once you do start to experience stress, then you tend to turn to habits to feel better. You know, the dominant ones that we have, essentially we look at whether that's sugar, social media, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, these are all the escape habits that many of us parents turn to specifically. And it just perpetuates the stress even more. And so there has to be this this way. Okay, well, how do we navigate this, then? What am I supposed to do? Because I think, for myself, I've been on so many diets in the past. And I know that's a big way that we're told to start to manage our stress. Well, you got to eat better. Okay, well, that's easier said than done. Okay. Right. And you got to get off your butt and start exercising a little bit. Oh, okay. Well, that's easier said than done. Right. And we know that a lot of these wellness solutions that we're told is the way to go actually induce more stress. So if that's the case, what are you supposed to do? Yeah. And that's tricky, because we want to buy into a particular way of eating and we want to buy into fitness as being the solutions, but it's still not really working with the actual response of where the stress is coming from. And that's essentially the areas of our lives that are poking at us, you know, and when we can start to learn which ones are poking at us, then we can start to work with those to stop the poking. That's really where we want to focus.

DJ Stutz  6:39  
And you are so right, in that we get all these solutions, right? But really, they're just treating the symptoms, they're not really going to the route. So why am I spending so much time on social media? Why am I grabbing that cookie? Because I'm feeling it's that why am I doing these behaviors? So one of the things that I do with the parents that I work with is, instead of beating yourself up, over, why did I eat that other cookie? Why did I yell at my kids? Why did I snap at my husband? Why? You know, whatever? Why didn't I go for that walk? And we start beating ourselves up over that? You can use the same words, but just a different tone. Right? Oh, I wonder why I did that. You know, and you're coming at it from a place of curiosity, trying to find that deep inside thing that got us going in the first place. And when we come at it from a place of curiosity, rather than I believe it again, kind of a thing. Yeah.

Adam Hart  7:41  
Then I change changes the changes the relationship with it. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. Because all of a sudden, you go from being very reactive to something to having the option to actually explore it.

DJ Stutz  7:54  
Yeah. Powerful. Absolutely. And I, I don't know, I've just learned so much about myself in the last few years. And coming toward the end of my teaching career, I'm redefining myself again, right. And that can be fun. But it can also be a bit stressful as well, as you're finding that place to really land and be comfortable with. But I think there's that saying that change, even good change is stressful, because it's change. Right

Adam Hart  8:29  
brain, the brain doesn't, doesn't particularly like to go through change. It loves to throw those thoughts of, you know, whether it's a fear based thought, or we got to stay comfortable or what the one thing that I learned that really helped me was recognizing that. Okay, so I have these 70,000 thoughts a day, that's what we have, on average, like, Okay, well, most of my thoughts growing up, had a lot of self esteem, self worth, shame and guilt patterns to them. And then as I got older and entered adulthood, all of a sudden, there was a lot of anxiety based thoughts all around uncertainty and fear about my relationships, my health, my finances, my career. I started recognize, okay, so every time my brain produces one of these thoughts, and I react to it, I'm now working at a fraction of my capabilities mentally and physically. Yes, so maybe the solution is working with my brain, teaching my brain to let go of the need to trigger me through the 70,000 thoughts. Maybe there's a way to start to do that. And that's when it really opened up this doorway of recognizing that I can actually work with my nervous system in a way that I can help my nervous system teach my brain to feel more peaceful, feel more calm. And when I realized that I could actually do that. And there's some very specific practices that allow us to train that it changed how my my brain was reacting to the things in my life and I had more freedom and more space to explore new ways to live in a relationship with my wife, or how I deal with my kids, or how I look at my career as a coach, and all of it began to shift in a beautiful way, just by teaching my brain to feel more relaxed with life.

DJ Stutz  10:16  
Yeah, that's for sure. I, and I think, too, as, at least in my case, as I've gotten older and had more experiences, and I've realized something that I thought was just such a big deal. And I look back and think, oh, that really wasn't that big of a deal. You know, why did I stress about that, and then I'm able to look and say, Oh, I was worried about this, I was worried about that. And I didn't need to worry about that. So, you know, I can back off. And I found myself much more calm. So my first year teaching, and every teacher says this, but my first year teaching was very different than my last year of teaching, right? And I wasn't upset by behaviors of my students. And I was then able to take students who were considered a problem. And the teacher was having a hard time. And it got to be what put them in my class, I don't care. So I wound up with a lot of kids that were struggling with the various levels of special needs, behavioral issues, emotional processing, issues, all of those things. And when you've taught in a class that is so impoverished, and embedded in the gang culture, right? You have a kid that'll stab another kid with a pencil because he wants their marker. It kind of puts everything into perspective. And so then you go to a regular regular school, which was the last two years of my career I spent there. And you see teachers were like, Oh, this kid so hard, it's like, nobody was staff. We are fine. spective is everything, don't you think?

Adam Hart  12:06  
Yeah. And I applaud you for being able to hold space for the kids. If you're a teacher in this, again, we're in a primary caregiving role. And you're living very reactive to things as they show up, well, then you're just part of the problem. Right, but if you know how to regulate in terms of how your stress response is happening, this is just the basics of human human nervous system optimization is all around regulation, regulating my response to something that's happening to me in my life in this moment. And if you can regulate that, what that does is it puts you in this beautiful space of what's called co regulation, where you now have the ability to give anybody around you. And ideally, this is what parents do for their kids, where they provide co regulated space for their kids, to feel safe in your presence, to feel love and your presence. And that's a lot of what's missing from most of our kids to be honest, because most parents are living very triggered. And so they don't have that common, regulated experience for all of them to feel nourished from Yeah. Oh, good for you for you know, holding space for kids in that way. Because they need the caregiver who knows how to do that for them.

DJ Stutz  13:19  
Yeah. Yeah. And in fact, that's how I kind of got into coaching was parents would see that their child who was wild and crazy at home, was still flying in school. How do you do that? And that's kind of where it all started was? Yeah, was from that. But so you talked about some of the processes that we can go through to help us get in the right mental state to be a better parent, and I don't care how good you are, there's always room for improvement. And if you don't think so then you're not nearly the perfect parent you think you are. But so there's always a place for us to improve. But what are some of the things then that you suggest we know? Not something that's going to work for everyone? Or every time, but we can mess around with things and see what works for us?

Adam Hart  14:10  
For sure. For sure. Well, you know, I think that number one, it's, it's okay, what's the result that I want to experience? And for me, it's constantly getting folks to connect to a feeling of being peaceful, of being calm of being present. Okay, well, what does that actually feel like? And there are certain practices that we can commit to that will help us cultivate an experience of that so that we can learn to grow it. The one of the key ones is optimization of nature. So in modern society, we know that we live very much against what our human needs and primary bonding deeds in relation to being in community and being in those kinds of settings where you're close to nature. And so if we can start to cultivate a way to bring nature into our lives, Daily, you're gonna get access to what feeling comes from that. And as soon as you're in nature, and I think you probably recognize it, but most, most parents, when they have kids and they get them outside versus being inside, you see a drastic shift in their behavior. The same goes for us is we can just spend the morning we get up in the morning, we can get outside for the first light of the day, maybe even get their foot on the ground. That's an amazing practice for being able to start to regulate your own stress, and feel more immediate peace and calm. That's an easy route.

DJ Stutz  15:36  
So true. Right? It works for your kids, too. So if your kids are like, I remember, there were days when you know, they were getting ready for autumn break, or spring break or whatever, or hot three day haul and the kids would be more hyper the day before. And there were times were like, yeah, we're just going outside. And take your shoes off, I loved that. Take your shoes off and let them feel the grass in their toes. And, and you're doing it with them.

Adam Hart  16:10  
Yeah, yeah. And you know, there's something energetically that is very powerful with that to something that we don't realize. But there is an electric and electric magnetic field. And that's part of what Earth is, the energy of Earth is. And when you go barefoot, you have all these beautiful nerve endings at the bottom of your feet, that when you touch them onto the ground, you actually absorb some of these beautiful electrons, that helped to reduce the impact that stress has had on your cells. These are called free radicals. When you're stressed, you have free radicals that attack yourselves. And so when you get barefoot on the ground, you actually are creating a very powerful anti inflammatory to your body. And at the same time, it's going to help your brain feel at peace. So it's like, whoa, why wouldn't I try that? You know, it's like, yeah, you know, I've been on so many diets in my past. And this sounds a whole lot more fun than going on a diet. And it's so powerful in terms of how it allows us to start to heal ourselves just being grounded, putting our bare feet on the ground, or even touching a tree with your hands. You know, I do a lot of that with my kids. We go out for walks and we find trees to put our hands in our forehead on. And we just sit there and we just breathe, and just connect to being present. I'm out of that have a conversation around what is presence feel like for you? What are you noticing now. And ultimately, especially when you're outside doing this, you start to notice things differently. You hear the sounds of the birds, you smell the smells of the flowers, which normally you won't access when your brain is just stuck in this ruminating, overthinking pattern. It just denies you the ability to utilize your senses in that way.

DJ Stutz  17:56  
Yeah, you're so right. So I love the nature approach for adults and for kids communally. Because if you're feeling stressed, your kids are gonna mirror you to mirror you.

Adam Hart  18:10  
Yeah. And so then it becomes Okay, well, how can I approach other things in my life that has that kind of presence to it. And in our house, the same thing with food, we approach food very much with that kind of presence, as opposed to just open up the cupboards in the fridges and just start shoving things in. Okay, let's build a little bit of a ritual around this. So I'll just take a moment, do some breathing center ourselves. Notice what your mind is saying. Because we know this most of what the mind will say is go for the sugary stuff, because that's what gets the brain the energy it wants. But it's not really going to nourish us. Not that it has to be about not having those things, but at least build a relationship with some of the good so that even if you're eating the crappy, you're also bringing in some good. And so in our house, I've taught the kids that it's about exploring things, you can add it let's not not eat some of the garbage. But if we're going to eat the garbage, let's see, can we add one of these that say maybe it's a different nut, we know it's a nutritious nut, we're going to add that into this bowl of Frosted Flakes. Okay, well at least there you're getting something of value. And you get to be connected to the importance of eating more healthy, more plant based types foods, not that I'm against meat and dairy. I still eat lots of that stuff. But I find that working with plants in terms of nutrition is an easy one for kids to play with where they add things in and it doesn't alter their meals completely in a way where they're open to it. Yeah, that's been a that's been very successful. That one.

DJ Stutz  19:43  
I think you're so right. And I think it's an easy thing to do too with strawberries or watermelon. So instead of that cat, you know, the watermelon, Jolly Rancher or whatever it is, let's get a real watermelon and do that you can instead of that Strawberry flavored Starburst. Let's go for a real strawberry. And so it's something that you can really move things around with in a positive way.

Adam Hart  20:10  
And you're trying to bring presence to it so that they recognize when their brain is trying to tell them no, this isn't fun. No, I don't want this. No, I want more than Coca Cola and this and that, like, Okay, I'm not going to say no to those things, because it's not my style of parenting. But if I'm going to allow you to have those things, then you just have to be very aware of the choice you're making, like, what's the consequence, when you choose a Coca Cola versus let's just make our own beverage? You have a soda machine and you make your own bubbly water and you put some maple syrup in there. Okay, well, is that a great alternative? Yeah, it's a great alternative. So getting the kids to feel empowered with choosing things that still has sweetness or, or saltiness, but in a way where, where we No, it's not as damaging on their, their brands in their bodies?

DJ Stutz  20:59  
Yes, for sure, for sure. I love that. What are some other things then that you encourage?

Adam Hart  21:06  
Well, you know, the number one is working with our breath, you know, when I'm working with my kids, when I'm working with my clients, so much of it is about working with your breath, not in terms of let's start doing a meditation practice, I think it's great, but that's not, that's not my method. My method is about working with the moments that you're really being triggered. And so in the moments that the kids are feeling triggered, they come home from school, you know, maybe they got bullied at school, or somebody said something that they're upset about? Well, as they share that with me, and they're feeling anxious, then that's when we practice our breath, really learning to calm that emotion down, feel the emotion be okay with it. But how do you actually start to transform it in a way where it doesn't hold you in a stress pattern. The same works for us adults, you know, when you start to feel anxious about your partner about your finances, or about any aspect of your life, you can in that same moment, learn through your breath, to shift how your mind is using that thought, in a way where you can start to create more ease and flow around it. There's a very particular breath practice that I use, it's called Heart flow. It takes 33 seconds to reset your nervous system when you're feeling stressed. And what I mean by that resetting the nervous system is essentially it's just teaching your body to feel calm in 33 seconds. And so that's the primary way that I get my clients to start to train that into them every day, you're just breathing 33 seconds, three times a day. That's it. Oh, really, less than two minutes a day. But yet, it's the most challenging part of the coaching process. Just being committed to doing that. But when you do and you commit to it, you really you realize pretty quick, wow, I think I have more power than I ever thought I did. I just didn't know how to activate it. And this starts to get that going for you.

DJ Stutz  23:00  
Yeah, absolutely, it does. And I know from my own personal experience, too, that just when things get stressed, or you're like, oh, no, no, no, you can't do that, or whatever, you've got a kid that isn't cooperating. Or I, I find that if I just take that time to just, okay, you've got this, you know, but you take that breath, and it's probably not the marvelous 33 Second thing that you do, but just even oxygenating your body oxygenating your brain, you know, and it takes just a little bit of time. But let's look at time management to, or how much time are you going to spend working with that kid in non productive ways, because they're having a panic attack, or they're angry or they're tired, or they're hungry, or they're whatever? Or taking a breath? Assuring yourself you've got it, looking at it from a different point of view, instead of get in the car, get in the car. But looking at how can I make this a better thing. More ideas come into your head, you go back to the things that you've been planning for I'm big on making plans for if you have stressful mornings, what are things that you can do to make that better and not sabotage yourself and become more strategic? And so when you've made those plans, and you take that breath, that can come flooding back in, it's like, oh, yeah, I was gonna do this. And then you can do that. Just it's more time effective. If nothing else.

Adam Hart  24:33  
Yeah, yeah, you immediately begin to work with a much cleaner, focused mind, which helps you increase the amount you can get done in a day. You're not stuck, like you say you're not stuck reacting to everything, wasting all your energy and your time now trying to just keep stuck in the reactivity. You have space to live your life and be a productive parent in a way where you're not showing your kids. That just being reactive is how you're supposed to live, you're actually showing them a real beautiful way to live.

DJ Stutz  25:03  
Yeah. Yeah. And I think sometimes when we're so stressed out, we don't mean to, but we become bullies. Right? I told you to do this now, you know, that's bullying. Yeah. And so you know, when you're getting after them is shaming them for something, or whatever. And really, it's a reflection of what's going on inside of you. And so when you can do that, and you can take those breaths, when you can learn that 33 second mantra that you have, that you're able then to approach the situation in a kinder a gentler way, you keep your poise, right, promotes peace.

Adam Hart  25:51  
Yeah, well, you know, it's this idea of role modeling. That's what we're meant to be, we're meant to be the access for our kids to recognize, okay, that's how I'm supposed to be as an adult. Well, I think the more that we can treat our kids, yes, their kids, but treat them, you know, treat them in a way where we're, we're teaching them we're not just reacting to everything that's happening, but we're guiding them into understanding what it means to hold this kind of space for ourselves, to be at calm to be at peace. That's the role modeling one year remote role modeling it yourself, but to your guiding them into understanding how they can do that as quickly as possible, because it's going to lead them to so much more success in their life. The earlier they know how to manage their day to day stress. And most kids right now we know are suffering in one capacity or another with loneliness and isolation, self esteem, self worth. And that's a hard thought pattern to break free from if you don't have a parent who can hold safe space for you to do that. Right. So again, as a parent, if you're always being reactive, your kids are suffering a lot more than they need to, we just have to recognize that we need to be the role model of the energy that we want them to feel we have to feel that energy for them.

DJ Stutz  27:11  
Right? Yeah, you're exactly right. And I just love the way that you bring out how we're setting that place for them. We're making that safe, emotional, and we're setting that example. So one of the things that really worked for me, even as a teacher and as a mom, and my husband makes fun of me all the time, because I talk to myself constantly. And he'll say, I never know if you're talking to me or to yourself. So I said, Well assume I'm talking to you, and then we'll go from there. But I will go through my processes. So then I can say, Oh, wow, the classroom is really noisy, or Oh, wow, we're really losing control of our morning. And so I know I have a plan. And so what's the next thing that I need to do? And I'm doing that verbally out loud, so that the kids around me whether they're my children, or my students are seeing that, oh, wait, she has a process she's noticing. And then you start seeing that in your own kids. And they'll start even verbalizing it. But you're giving them that example of what is going on in your head. Right? While you're figuring out your own stress or your own whatever is going on. And then they start mimicking that mirroring that so then they know. So I really liked the idea of going through your processes verbally. Especially when there's kids around the hard part is then you get my age, and you've got a husband and two dogs, and you're still doing it.

Adam Hart  28:54  
But I do appreciate that because there is an element of the results that come we know that as humans, we love results. And when you start to learn to calm yourself down in your life and manage that stress, yeah, there's a beautiful benefit for you of being more at peace, but also, mentally and physically. You do start to heal a lot of things. But it's also in how those around you start to interact with you. And specifically for kids. I mean, when I'm in the presence of my kids, and I'm very calm and peaceful. There is such a beautiful fulfilling engagement going on. Where no matter what my kids are going through, I am there for them. I can hear them. I'm not distracted, very present. And that just feels really good. Yeah, so the result is the feeling you're getting from holding this kind of space. You just learn that it's a pretty powerful feeling and the more you can find yourself holding that it's also where a lot of fulfillment is found. And you can find that same fulfillment and yes with your kids, with your partner other relationships but also in how money is showing up how career showing up how your health is showing up. Yeah, it all comes from regulating your response to it all. And managing the stress of it all and holding more space for presence to be where you live from.

DJ Stutz  30:12  
Yeah, in fact, I'm just getting ready to speak at a summit next month. And and I'm talking about that very thing that as you learn to regulate yourself, as a parent, and be a leader in your family, and be strategic and have those things, all of those skills, spread out into those other relationships, that your work out, whatever it is, that you have going on that those skills without you even thinking about it, you may be doing it for your kids and trying to get those strategies going. But once you're in that form, that mental form, it really does expand into all areas of your life.

Adam Hart  30:53  
And that's a great word expansion. Yeah, because that's exactly what it's doing. It's just, once you've tuned into it, that's all it wants. It wants to keep growing, it wants to connect to other human beings who get it, but also give access to other humans who want it. So you find yourself in these continual interactions in all those areas of life, with other people in a community type engagement, where you're all there just to serve each other, support each other and grow together. Right?

DJ Stutz  31:25  
Right. And I think that will, it heals our heart, right. But as other people see that, we have found that calm center, that we are able to breathe and de stress and do it actually, the more you practice it, the faster you can accomplish it in situations. And so if there is a big emergency, something horrible is going on. Are you looking for the people who are running around with their, you know, screaming and yelling? Are you looking for that person that is peace and calm in the storm. That's who I'm drawn to. And so then your kids will be drawn to you when they see that you have that peace and that love and understanding available to them. And other people again, as that expands out, they're going to see you as that as well is I am constantly looking for who is calm in the storm around me. And so we've got all this craziness that's going on. I know you've got some things going on up in Canada, we've got some things going on down here. Whoop. Right? Right. But if we can find someone who is calm, no matter what side of the argument, they see, why is there an argument that's the person I'm drawn to is we can discuss things we don't need to argue, you know, we can find peace in our differences, we can find peace in us. You know, even though there may be differences, we both want the world to be a better place. We just different on strategies and how to get there. So, you know, those are the people that I find myself drawn to, I don't need to be in agreement with them on things, but I want to be able to have that conversation, I want to be able to talk to them about things. In fact, I'm in I'm enriched when it's a different point of view than mine. Now, when you bring that to your kids, your kids are gonna have different points of view from you. Sometimes just because it's a different point of view from you. Right, as they grow older, they're trying out their new thoughts, they're trying out, they're, they're hearing other voices around them, and as they're listening, but when they feel like they can come and have that conversation, you know, not saying Oh, no, we don't believe that, oh, no, we don't do that. That is not our family thing. But you can just have that peaceful, calm, engaging, respectful, you're able to bring that then they'll they'll be drawn to you to talk to you about those important decisions and those important things that are coming up, you know, in their lives, you're more open to what you have to

Adam Hart  34:21  
say. And it's never too early and it's never too late to do

DJ Stutz  34:24  
so. Right. Right. Yeah.

Adam Hart  34:29  
Yeah. I appreciate what you're up to TJ and, and no, you know, it takes something to hold space for others to, to understand this. And the importance of this because again, we tend to get caught in society and in terms of how the brain operates. It's always trying to fix something. So we're always problem solving. And there's no presence in problem solving. And the more we can notice that our minds trying to constantly fix something, well, if that's where your mind operates from, it's an anxious Mind, and it will never lead you to what you're trying to fix if there is no where to get to. It's cultivating peace and excitement about right now. And that you can do you can, you can actually train your biology to understand that. But it all comes from managing stress, and teaching your brain to let go of certain triggers, and feel at peace more often. So that you recognize, well, this is the place I want to live from. It does need the right tools, and it needs support structure for sure. Because there's discipline involved with getting there. But once you're there, it can never be taken away from you.

DJ Stutz  35:37  
So true. Very, very true. And I love that you said it's never too young. Even in that first year of life, with a brand new baby, right? It's easy to get on the baby won't stop crying, be they're sick, or they have crew or they just need to cry, sometimes maybe just need to cry. And so do we get stressed out and overwhelmed by it all? Or can we just take a breath? We're holding the baby, we get our even breath. And if they still need to cry, that's okay. That's just what you need to do. Right? But I but I'm not going to get stressed about it. And you're going to find that as they get older. And I'm talking older, like two or three. Right? But they have that calmness, they have that ability to bring themselves in more than a child who has the very stressed out mom and dad, who are why are they crying? Why are they crying? So

Adam Hart  36:37  
yeah, yeah, it's the difference between trying to fix something, or control something versus surrendering to it. Right. And when your kid, especially an infant is like that, you kind of gotta surrender to it. And if you're not, you're just giving your brain what it wants, which is your fight or flight response, it loves that response. Yeah, so as we learn to be okay with this moment and feel okay with how things are. You're, you're just changing everything in terms of how you can approach your life. But it's not the dominant way we're taught to be healthy, mentally, physically. But this is the access in it's the foundation of our optimal wellness comes from the relationship between our brain and our nervous system. And then you learn to optimize that. And you just realize that you do have more mental capacity and your time starts to flow with more ease and you feel physically fit and your relationships feel more fulfilled. And it all comes from the same place. Yeah, we've kind of lost our way in modern society. So I'm happy that you and I are on the same page and understanding that this is the important place for us to play life from exactly.

DJ Stutz  37:50  
You're exactly right. And how many times have we thought, oh, I need to fix this. I need to fix this. But something happens and we're distracted, and we come back to fix whatever it is we thought we need to fix. And it's all worked out.

Adam Hart  38:04  
Right? Oh,

DJ Stutz  38:06  
look at that. Worried about?

Adam Hart  38:09  
Yeah. Are you realize it wasn't that important, after all, but he got stuck for a while just ruminating. Thoughts about it. Yeah,

DJ Stutz  38:16  
you're so right. You're so right. Yeah. I love that. So Adam, if our listeners and watchers now because we're on YouTube and rumble. But if our watchers and listeners want to hear more about you connect with you, where's the good place for them to go?

Adam Hart  38:32  
Yeah, up my website, it's clear impact.io, clear impact.io. And you'll see when you get on there too, is there's a downloadable PDF, I have a six step process that I teach all my clients on how to create more presence. It's called the unleash your energy roadmap. And so anybody who wants to grab a copy of that it's free, and it's on there as well.

DJ Stutz  38:54  
Super. Now we're gonna have all of that in the show notes as well. So everyone while you're down, looking at the show notes, be sure to follow and like and five stars review all the things right, all the things. And so before we go, though, Adam, I'd like I asked my guests, all of them the same question. At the end of the show. How would you describe a successful parent?

Adam Hart  39:19  
Well, there's only one word that keeps coming up and its presence. And so not that it's about being perfect at it because there is no such thing. But a successful parent is one that understands how presence feels for them, and has the capacity to hold space more often than not for themselves to experience life from that place, but also support their family and their friends and their community to feel the same way.

DJ Stutz  39:49  
Love that you? You're right on. It's fun, how I get so many great answers. And this is another one so thank you so much. And so Adams Thank you for spending this time with us. And I'm sure everyone has learned so much. Just your tone of voice in the way that you present actually invokes peace, at least in me. Right? You know, I feel comfortable. And that's great. So, thank you so much. And I'm sure that we will run into each other again.

Adam Hart  40:18  
Yeah, thanks, DJ. Thanks for having me. You betcha.

DJ Stutz  40:24  
Now, if you want to learn more about Adam and get a copy of his Six Steps to Unleash Your Energy Roadmap, just click on the link in the show notes. And while you're there, hit the Follow button to make sure you are getting in on the amazing episode we have on the amazing episodes we have each week. And if you liked what you heard in today's podcast, be sure to rate review and tell a friend. And you can do this, whether you're listening on Apple, Spotify, or some other platform. Or if you're just listening from the Imperfect Heroes podcast website, on the web page of the podcast up at the top, you will just click on reviews, and then leave a review. And it's just that easy. 

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Transcribed by https://otter.ai