Episode 128: 6 Keys to Unraveling Holiday Chaos and Crafting Holiday Joy

Children  00:00
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes Podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA.

DJ Stutz  00:09
Welcome heroes and heroines to Episode 128 of Imperfect Heroes Insights into parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host DJ Stutz. Welcome to this special edition of Imperfect Heroes. And as the holiday season approaches, that pressure to manage all the decorating and parties and cooking and gift buying and memory making and upholding all of those traditions can just be overwhelming. So today, I am giving you six keys to help you. And honestly myself, keep this Christmas season manageable and joyful. So why is the season so stressful when it's supposed to be filled with so much joy? I mean, what's not to like? There's family and food and parties and love traditions and time off work and the kids are off school? Well, that's the answer, isn't it? It's stressful, because there's family and food and parties and loved your dishes and time off work and the kids are out of school. Well remember that the stress of the season isn't just hard on adults, it's straining on the kiddos as well. And so changes in schedules and sugar levels and their own expectations. And there's too much audio input and there's too much visual input. And then there's meeting new people and lots of visitors and some things can honestly be a little bit scary. But don't all of these kind of relate to adults in some way or another right. Changes in schedule, sugar levels, our own expectations, too much noise, too much visual stuff going on. And there's meeting new people. And I know for some people, that's really hard. My husband's one of those, all the visitors that are coming and some things can be a bit scary. Finances. Hmm, yeah. And so when the kids are having their tantrums, and their meltdowns, that adds even more to the adult stress levels, doesn't it? And so we have our expectations. We've learned things to be perfect, right? And we want the perfect Hallmark card Christmas. But the reality is perfectionism myth. And that's why we call it imperfect heroes. There's no perfect Christmas, there's no perfect parenting. There's no perfect meal. There is no perfect vacation, right? There's no perfect anything. And so we can choose that either we're going to embrace the imperfection and find actual joy, humor, stories endearments in the imperfections. Or we can just stress out because it's not perfect. So let's think about some of the things then that we can do with the holidays. So family, is family coming, or are you going. So traveling with kids can be difficult. And so one of the things I've got two things that I'm giving you guys today, and the first one is my traveling with kids. And this is a workshop. But it's got a bunch of downloads to help you with scavenger hunts and I call them the Are We There Yet map so that you can help with the kids. We've got checklists for traveling and things to help you remember to make it easier to travel with your kids. And so you're normally I charge 25 bucks. It's not expensive for that. But if you use the code Christmas at your checkout, it'll be free. And I'll have it free until January 1. So that's my gift, one of my gifts for you guys, if you want to do that, and it makes it easier. But so if you're traveling with kids, you want to plan ahead and get everything ready and make it as easy as possible. But if family is coming to your house, there's a lot of planning and preparation that needs to take place. But one of the things is sometimes really, our house isn't big enough to hold 20 people or whatever. And so maybe you need to look at maybe some alternative accommodation. So maybe there's an air b&b Or a verbal that's close by, or maybe just a neighbor that they're going to be out of town and so they can share. You know a lot of us our beds. I've done that for people and I've had friends who've done that for me as well. And so it really does help with people not being so on top of each other, and it really helps with the stress levels, right? Okay, let's look at food. There's the stress of cooking. And some people love cooking. And that's great. Some people don't, some people are really challenged by it. And there's also the stress of having all that food around. So if you're on a diet like me, I have 20 pounds in the last few months. Thank you bought more to go. But there's the stress of what's this going to do to my diet? I don't want to undo all the hard work that I've been working on, right? And so that can add to the stress. And then there's the parties, are you giving parties? Are you going to parties? Do I really want to do this? Am I feeling obligated to go or to give these parties, right? And then there's these traditions. And so you want to ask yourself, well, why am I doing these traditions? Is it really meaningful? Or is it just something that's lost? Its savor, do, we just do it because we always do it? Well, we're going to be talking about all of these things as we get going in today's podcast. But the first thing I want to talk about the number one key that we're going to work on today is prioritizing and dealing with time management. So setting priorities and boundaries is really key. And it's so important for you to set these boundaries and prioritizing for yourself, for your family, for your kids, for your friends, for your work for your neighbors, and the volunteer things. I know that with PTA at the end before it before the school goes on break, there's all the holiday parties and all of that that goes on. And then there's maybe church parties or religious services. I mean, the list really goes on. And so you want to create this realistic schedule, and you want to be really realistic about what are you capable of doing? And then what do you have time to do. And so one of the things that I like to do, and it was fun, I was just at my daughter, Rocky's House last week, for Thanksgiving, and we had a birthday and a baptism and all that fun stuff. But she had a calendar on the wall in her hallway by the garage door. And it had all the stuff that they were doing for that month, it's just a one month calendar, and it's a wipe it down thing. And so then they could put up the new month at the end, and the kids could see what was going on. But what a great idea to have that. And then you can visually look and see, ooh, this day is getting kind of full. But it also helps the kids to see what's coming up. Because a lot of times, you'll see some of the stress outs, the temper tantrums or the meltdowns will be because they don't know what's coming up. Because their sketches are all whacked out, their schedules all turned around. And so they don't know the regular routines are out. And so now they don't know what to expect. And so having that calendar that they can look at, and then it helps you to look and see, oh, yeah, no, I can't do that. I've got this isn't this that day, I'm not open. And so it's something to think about. Another thing is, this isn't the time of year to try something you've never done before. And so if there is something that you want to try that new plan way ahead, do some kind of practice. Check it out. And then if you haven't done so far this year, save for next year. And give yourself that year to plan for it, see how you're going to do it, get the research done. And make sure that this is something you really want to do. Because doing something brand new, and just kind of throwing yourself into it. Sometimes it doesn't go well, sometimes you didn't understand fully what was going on. And so it can turn out kind of awkwardly and poorly. And so make sure that you've given yourself time to really look at it and see that you're ready to do that. Okay, and then to break down your tasks into manageable chunks, which is funny because this is something we do for our kids, right? Instead of just telling them go clean your room, and their room is a disaster. And so they don't clean the room, and then we yell at them because they're not cleaning the room, but they can't clean the room because it's way too much. And it's overwhelming, right? Do we ever have overwhelmed because it's just there's too much laundry? And you can see where I've been? And so do we just say there's too much learning walk away? Or do we break it up into smaller things? Well, we start dividing up the clothes right into darks, and lights and sheets and towels. And and so we're breaking it up into doable chunks, right? Well, we can do the same thing with our tasks that we've decided that we're going to do. So we're going to make a list of things that we need to do. And we're going to decide which ones are priority. And it could be an emotional priority, right? Something that is certain you just really really want to do it. Or it can be something that has just a set deadline. So something like you have to send off your presence by a certain day. You have to send out your Christmas cards by a certain day, if that's something that you do. invitations, if you're having a party, you want need to get those done, getting things ready for visitors that are coming. If you have people coming for the holidays, you need to have things ready for them. By the time they get there, hopefully, right? Buying the supplies for your Christmas dinner, here's a clue. Try not to buy anything the week before Christmas, the stores are crazy. It's too much. But if you have a list of what you need, and what you're making, and so you can go and buy that stuff a week, two weeks ahead of time, then it's not quite as crowded. And you're not as stressed. Because now you know, you've got everything you need. And it's not such a big deal. So there you are. And then also make sure that you're calendaring or scheduling time for those regular tasks that you need to get done just because you're a parent, and you live in a household. So things like laundry and getting regular meal planning, right? We start planning for Christmas dinner, but we've got to feed the kids every day up until then. Right? And so how are we doing that those self care tasks? For me? Yeah, nails, nails are my thing. And so I still have my Thanksgiving nails on next week will be my Christmas nails. But that's a that's an important self care task for me, it may not be for you. So what are the important tasks that make you feel good? Like you're taking care of yourself. And so you need to get those scheduled in on that calendar that I was talking about as well. Because if you don't put in that time, and you start filling it up with all the other stuff that you're trying to get done for the holidays, you're going to find yourself with not time to get the regular stuff that needs to get done. So think about that. And then really sit down and decide what can you do without, I mean, is this really going to make or break your Christmas. And so when we teach our kids about wants versus needs, we can do a little thing on ourselves, for our Christmas stuff, wants versus needs, right, what's really important here. So the next thing that I want to the next key that I want to talk to you about is that nurturing family traditions and making those memories, right, and that are so important. So traditions are important all year round. I mean, we have traditions surrounding the first day of school, and the last day of school, there's birthdays, and then there's Halloween and Valentine's and Easter. And so there are all these different events that we have traditions for traditions around, maybe the kids sports season, or maybe grandma and grandpa coming to visit. And so we use traditions, all around all of those things. But the traditions that are connected to the holidays, just seem to be kind of extra special, right? So traditions are things that are important because they help us feel like we belong. And they help us because we know what to expect. on birthdays, we do this right? On Fourth of July, we do that at Christmas, we do this and that these traditions help us to remind us where we come from. And so things that our, our grandma Great Grandma did, and that we're still doing, it helps us understand how we fit into the world, which is a great thing for our kids to understand. So even in decorating, like, I do have some German, I'm just Northern European, just their year. And so there's a German tradition of the pickle ornament in the tree. And so on Christmas Eve, when the kids go to bed, you put the pickle ornament up in the tree somewhere. And then when it's time to open presents, whoever finds the pickle ornament gets to choose the first president to open. And so that's a fun little tradition that we have. And so but that's a German tradition. And so that helps us talk about like our heritage and where we come from. I mean, I have Welsh, not known for their food. But we there are a lot of fun traditions with Welsh and with Danish and Swedish and Finland and all of those countries that we come from, and my husband has Swiss and so there's Swiss traditions that are there. And, and so you know, think about that, with decorating How do you do things, those family football games, right? That can be a lot of fun, or sometimes not? And then they end. And then there's community service traditions, how do we help the community? You know, we just moved up here into Idaho last March. And one of the things that I saw that is a community tradition is they have coat fences, and so it's right before Thanksgiving, and people put coats up on like schoolyard fences and parks and around public buildings or whatever. And so you can anyone can come and take a coat or you can leave a coat and take a coat or you can just take a coat or you can just leave whatever but it's just great tradition of helping people in need. And it's, I like it that it's anonymous to that you never know who's going to take the coat that you left or who gave the coat that you took. And so I love that idea. So there's some community service things, there's Carolyn, there's visiting Santa, or just driving around to see the Christmas lights in the in the community, my dad growing up, never put lights on our house, it was in his bag. But we drove around, and we would go and see the light displays of other people. And that was kind of our tradition, sometimes it's a community lighting ceremony, when we were living in Colorado, we lived in Littleton and downtown Littleton the day after Thanksgiving, it's a big community thing on Old Town, you know, downtown, and the old shops and stuff. And it's a beautiful thing. And people are walking around and families been practicing, they sing Christmas carols, and there's hot chocolate and all these things that are around there, and, and the main street lights up with their Christmas lights, and Santa comes. It's just a lot of fun things. And that's a tradition for us. Or it was maybe there's religious services, or going to live nativity or be part of a live nativity, how fun is all of that. So what are the traditions that are meaningful to you, and your spouse, and now you come in with two different families in two different traditions. So maybe you're gonna have to let some of your traditions go and bring in some of your spouses, maybe you can meld some of them together. And so they're not exactly the same as either family, but they have remnants of that, and then it becomes your family and what they do. And so that's kind of cool. But think about what is the purpose of your tradition? Is it to remind them of where they come from? Is it to remind them of faith? Is it to remind them of community and that they have an opportunity to be of service to others? And isn't that a great connection to Christ and the reason for this season? So they say, But do these traditions really meet your current needs for your family, your family gross, so some of the things that maybe you did when they were really little, as they get older, they're not going to need that anymore, they might not have fun with that. And so you're gonna have to move in new traditions, or make adjustments to make them a better fit for your family, right? Black Friday shopping, that's kind of edging out with all of the online shopping that's available right now. And so a lot of people do more online shopping, and instead of waiting out in the cold, you know, to in the morning, but that was fun for something that I did with my son, Christian and I, but now he's adult and has his own kids, but it's something that we had fun. But consider really what are the traditions that really cause you the a lot of stress in trying to put them together and then consider what's the return on investment here? Am I really getting what I want from this tradition? And if not, maybe we let it go, then that's okay. So the next key that I want to talk to you about is just finding that balance with cooking and parties and decorating and, you know, cooking, that's a great transition with traditions, because cooking is a huge tradition and many families. And so whether it's baking cookies, or having special desserts, or certain cultural foods that you have, over the holidays, that cooking piece can be really a big deal. And so maybe look for foods that you can prepare ahead of time. And so it's not that big rush have a ton of cooking the day before, two days before the holiday, or the day of the holiday for heaven's sakes, right. And so look for those foods. And then I would say again, don't try brand new recipes. Just for that gathering, I would have recipes that maybe you try it a month or two ahead of time, just to make sure you have a downright and make sure it's as good as you thought it was going to be. How many times have you tried a new recipe and it was like, oh, it looks good. It's not. So think about some of that. And then And then really delegate. And so if you've got people coming over for dinner, someone can do pies. Someone can do stuffing, someone can do the ham and the pineapple sauce that you put on the ham or whatever. But you don't have to do it all. And so just do the stuff you like doing. Let them do the stuff you don't like doing. And that's okay, do the stuff that you enjoy doing. So have the holiday the cooking traditions, but do the ones that you enjoy doing. And don't be afraid to ask for help and ask other people who are coming. Could you do this piece? Could you do that piece and they have things that they really love to do. And that can be great and and helpful. All right. Now let's think about these parties. So remember that calendar I mentioned but a little bit ago. All right, so you've got a visual now of how things can play out. So you've got these parties, you're gonna put them on and see, do we really have time? Oh, there's a conflict. Maybe there's three parties in one night. Well, we can only pick one guys. So which one are we going to go to? And so but you can see that then and you're not overbooking. Or maybe you're going to tell the kids because I've got grandkids that are in three or four different extra activities, right? And so they all want to have a holiday party? Well, you're just going to one, pick the one you want to go to. And that's fine. And we'll let them know that we have other things. We can't make it to that one. But thank you for inviting us. And so you can decide what it is that you want to do. But ask yourself, Do I really want to go to this? Or is this just an obligation, and I understand, sometimes there's obligations that you really have to go to, maybe it's a work party, sometimes at work parties, that's when you get your Christmas bonus, so for sure you want to go. But you know, just remember, you don't have to stay. So you go, you say hi to everybody, you do whatever, and you can leave, you don't have to stay for the whole thing. And in fact, you know, sometimes, when kids are going to too many things, and there's all that overload, they might have a meltdown, and you're at a party, and they're having their meltdown. So you can just take them outside, let that fresh air will often calm them down, they need that air. And sometimes the cooler air will help them calm down. We can talk about what's going on. And so we need to stay for 30 more minutes, can you make it 30 more minutes. And we can talk about that we can set a timer on our watch, we can do all kinds of different things, what are some things that we can do to help you and then when the timer goes off? We're out of here, man, right? Or maybe there are other times when your kids are really little, they can't do 30 more minutes, it's okay to leave. It's okay to leave and just say yeah, he's done. Love, y'all. Thank you for inviting us, we really appreciate it. He's done. She's done. We're gonna go. Now, if you're hosting a party, again, you want to be sure use that calendar, because you need to plan out time for your planning your shopping, getting your invitations, done, the prep, and then the things you need to do the day of getting things ready. Right, if you don't put it on the calendar, other things are going to take up that time. And you're going to find yourself rushing around, because you overbooked yourself, and you don't have time to get the stuff done for your party that you wanted to get done. So really, really use that calendar, it's the lifesaver, I'm telling you. And then delegate responsibilities. If you can, if you've got family members, if your mom is one that'll come over and just help or a sister, or sister in law, if you've got a good friend, a bestie, that'll come over and help out in getting things done. But if you've got people that will support you and help you use them. And it really will help with getting some of those party things done. And now let's move on to another key, which is thoughtful gift given. And so some of the issues are surrounding gift giving at the holidays, is are you remembering everyone that you need to get a gift for right? That's always a panic for me. And then the finances of it and money's tight. Inflation is just crazy right now. money's tight, it's tighter than it's been. So you really have to figure that out. And then there's the expectations. There's your expectations. And sometimes there's the expectations of the receiver. Some people expect more. So how do you feel about that? And are you going to honor that? How are you going to work with that? So first off, you want to make a list of everybody you want to give a gift to? And then as you go down the list, ask why is this person on my list? Why do I think it's important for me to give them a gift? And you may lose some people that way? Just by asking that question, and then figure out how much money do you really have to spend and then set your priorities. So you know, back in the day, they used to have things called a Christmas fund at the banks. And so it was a special account. And you'd put money in every month so that when Christmas came, you would have this money for Christmas gifts, and they expected it to be emptied out. And then you'd start over again in January and you're putting money in every month, so that you have not a bad idea, guys, but we're not really doing that much anymore. But something to think about for next year is putting money away every month for Christmas gifts. And so figure out how much you have to spend and you may need to just get a little creative so the truth is the perfect gift though, doesn't have to be expensive. And sometimes just a heartfelt letter or a note will mean more than something that is more expensive. And they honestly won't use it. How many times have you gotten a gift, and it's the thought was sweet, it was really nice. But I won't use that, right. So there's always homemade gifts that are more affordable. And they're always more personal when you've made them. But they do take time. It's not like just go to the store or order it off of Amazon, it takes some time. So if you're going to go that route, and do some of these homemade gifts, go ahead and start early, like in July, or maybe April. But start early. And so then you're not stressed out at the end with everything else that you've got to do. And it's like, oh, and I've got these 20 gifts I've got to make, and that helps, you know, spread out the costs to if you're getting some of those costs handled, you know, in the summer, even late spring, that's a good time. And then don't just give gift to give a gift. Right? money's tight, and people will understand if there's just not the money for all the gifts that I would like to give. And so your friendship means the world to me. Another nice note, right? And if they don't understand, they don't. Okay, now I know you are and boop on you. I don't need to deal with you. So glad you showed yourself to me, that's great. But really think about that gift thing. And we've always tried worked very, very hard and been successful almost all the time, not always not going into debt or giving gifts. Not a good choice. All right. So the next one is, in fact, the last one is just self care, finding personal joy, taking care of yourself. So it's interesting that drugs and heart attacks are on the rise in the winter. And I think a lot of that is because of people shoveling snow. And there's some things that are hard. There's the dark days that are in depression, and all of those things that go on. But it's interesting to me that the three days of the year that have the most heart attacks and strokes are December 25 26th. And then January 1, doesn't seem like a coincidence to me, right. And there could be a lot of reasons for that. But it happens. Those are the biggest days for heart attacks and strokes. So please take care of yourself. So you want to get the right amount of sleep. And I know for other people, it's different. Generally, the thought is you need a minimum of six hours of sleep. And me I need eight. That's just how my body works. So everyone has a different thing, you know, the right amount for you, but really work hard to get that at least four days a week, a minimum of four, if you can get it every day, that's the best, but at least four days a week, you want to get that minimum amount that you know is right for you. So check that out, make sure you're working on your nutrition, even at the parties. So make a decision ahead of time, because it's party and it's okay to have a tree or two, right. And so you're going to set your limit before you go in your intake of all kinds of things, then it's always nice if like you're giving the party to have that vegetable tray out or fruit plate or something that they can make some more healthy choices other than the high levels of sugar and stuff. So be thinking of that. And then really try to get that exercise you need, I know that time gets going. And maybe you don't have time. But even if you just cut it in half. So maybe I don't have time for my two mile walk. But I can get one mile in and get it done. That's better than doing nothing. But you want to get that extra because your body needs it. And that exercise and the fresh air. And all of that is going to help you actually manage stress more effectively, and to be happier, and to manage with your kids. So anyway, there you are. So when you're looking at it, though, look at what are the parts of your routine, your daily normal routine that you can actually let go of, or you can modify, and which ones do you really need to hold on to now you're the only one that knows the answer to that. And so you'd really need to be honest, but pay attention to your body. So when you're starting to feel that stress and anxiety that overwhelm that comes, be sure to give yourself permission to just withdraw to a quiet spot for a while. No, for me. When my kids were little, it was my closet. They had a little walk in closet. And the clothes were a great soundproof. And I could turn off the light and it was dark. And I could just sit there and take a breath. And it was funny because sometimes I'd see little fingers under the door, mummy and it's like Oh good. They're alive. Icy fingers Movie. Forget, I'm like Aviana a little bit. I just need to breathe, I need to breathe for a minute. And so if you need to go in the closet, in the closet, if you need to go for a walk, go for a walk. If you need to sit down on the back porch and pet, a cat, pet, a cat, whatever it is, that will help you, then that's what's going to be important for you. One other thing and I'm begging you, I'm begging you is stop the comparison game just end it. So the Joneses down the road have this awesome like display on their home, their home looks beautiful, and the lights are all lined up perfectly and all of that and then the Carters down the street, their kids look great all the time. And they seem so happy and they've got that big tree in the window and their yard. I live in a snow area and it's always perfectly shoveled look so good. Okay, you never know what's going on inside those homes, you really don't. Growing up. Again, the oldest of seven, family was very involved in church, my dad was a leader. My mom was a leader in the church. And everybody thought we were this perfect family until my mom left my dad. We were not the perfect family weren't struggling at home. And yet everyone thought that the bending kids didn't get into trouble. And we got good grades. And we seem to get along really well. And we did mostly for the most part, but they just had this whole different idea of who we were. And it wasn't that. And so you do you write I love that you do you. But just remember that we don't know what's going on. And so it's all okay, I have a friend that I was preparing for this. And I was talking to her about it. And I was asking her about some of the things because she just does everything. Her Christmas is like someone threw up Christmas all over the place. It's amazing. And she's got five kids, and she's doing all of these great things, and how do you do it? And she said, yeah, it's stressful. But for her, she doesn't mind the stress, really, it's a month of Go, go go. And she loves it. And she says none, it's over. And then I'm back to my normal and I sleep all day on New Year's Day. But she loves it. And so she gives into that and is able to make it all work and happen for her. That works for her. I could not do what she does. In any level, I can do what I do. And so the reality is there is one right way to do the holidays. And it's your way, it's not my way, my ways right for me, your ways, right for you. That's the one right way to do it is your way. And so don't worry about what others are doing. Right? You do the right Christmas for you. And it's all gonna work out great. So do what's right for you and your family. Let's think about this. Now. We're going to plan ahead, we're going to get organized, we're going to prioritize, and we're going to remember, this isn't about all the stress and the gifts and the parties. The reality is, Christmas is about the quiet moments that took place in a manger about 2000 years ago. And it was those quiet moments that changed everything. Christ would have still been our Savior. Without all the gifts from the Magi. There was no tree, there was no Santa. And the greatest gift that he received that day was the love of a mother and a stepfather handpicked by God, to love and teach his son in grace and kindness. And the more we focus on these sacred truths, the more peace and joy that we are going to have in our lives. And I truly believe that the Lord would want his life celebrated with that joy, and that peace. I don't think he ever intended that his life to be celebrated with stress and conflict and financial worries. He wants us to simply love one another and to find peace and joy in helping and giving. And so if that's all you have, I think you have the perfect Christmas. That's my mind. So if you would like somehow in working through your holidays, I would love to help you. And so my second gift to you is the free 50 minute conversation. I would love to help you troubleshoot and problem himself, and then just celebrate the joy that's already a part of your life. And so the link to my calendar is down in the show notes. You don't have to do anything but go there, find a time that works for you. If it's there, it works for me. And I would love to spend some time that is my favorite thing in the world to do is spend time talking with families and parents about raising kids and helping them with their kids and troubleshooting. And that is my joy, time. So I would love to do that for you. So if you go down into the show notes, you're going to find that link. And while you're down there, I want you to click Like and follow and leave a rating and review because the more you do that, it's going to help us reach other families. And then super, super, super big. Tell a friend, get them to listen with you. And then you guys can talk about their episodes and see what each other learned in whether you agree or disagree that it's fun to do that kind of stuff. And then remember, you can always check us out on YouTube and rumble. So YouTube, it's Little Hearts Academy, USA on Rumble. It is Imperfect Heroes, and you can see the episodes that I have up there.  So next week, I am talking with Paul Zalman. And we're talking about using the five love languages with our kids. And what happens when we find the connection between those five love languages and the life of Christ. It's just a great conversation. And then in two weeks, guys on December 18, Santa is coming on the podcast. I'm so excited. It worked so hard to get him on. But he is going to be here. And so on the 18th that's what you're gonna find. And then I'm not releasing an episode on December 25. Go figure not doing it. But I will be back on New Year's Day and we'll have an episode then. So check it out and see. And until next time, let's find joy in parenting. Bye guys. See ya.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai