Visit littleheartsacademyusa.com for parenting workshops, parent coaching & children's activities!
March 28, 2022

Episode 40: The No BS Mom with Megan Eddinger


Whether you are a young or more mature parent, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We overschedule. We are away at work too long. We have our own emotional triggers. We feel guilty about and try to make up for our own shortcomings by buying too much for our children... And we often feel like less than our efforts. STAY TUNED for this episode! DJ sat down with mom and The No BS Mama podcast host, Megan Eddinger. Megan and DJ share some great parenting stories and even greater advice on how to cut yourself some slack as a parent, quit comparing yourself to other parents (Comparison is the thief of joy. -Theodore Roosevelt)... and learn to embrace being an imperfect hero raising perfectly imperfect children.

Megan is a 35- year-old, married to her high school sweetheart, podcast host and mother of 3 who became a mom just 2 weeks after her 18th birthday… and had her last baby at just 23 years old. She was thrown into motherhood before she really had a chance to figure out who she was. Megan’s goal with her “The No BS Mama” podcast is to normalize all the parts of motherhood that no one tells you about so that other moms don’t feel so alone in their own journeys. 

TIMESTAMPS
• [3:48] Megan talks about becoming a mom at 18-years-old… and mom of 3 by the age of 23…
• [7:30] Megan talks about mom guilt and how most moms have their own fair share of that feeling…
• [10:35] Megan shares that she is a “pick your battles” kind of mom  
• [18:06] “it's so easy nowadays, with social media and everything, to fall into that trap, that comparison trap.” 

How do you cut yourself slack and keep your sense of humor when self-perceived parenting snafus occur? Tell us about it and tag us on Facebook or Instagram @littleheartsacademy!

For more information on the Imperfect Heroes podcast, visit:  https://www.imperfectheroespodcast.com/

Connect with Us!

DJ Stutz
Website: https://www.littleheartsacademyusa.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/littleheartsacademy/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/littleheartsacademy/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOpphCRklDJiFXdS76U0LSQ

https://www.littleheartsacademyusa.com/parent-teacher-conferences-what-to-ask-and-what-to-share

Megan Edinger
Website: https://thenobsmama.buzzsprout.com/?fbclid=IwAR2huG6EFs_oMKbxPBPXIrS8egnaZU-F1f5OQp3PmRTfnPmPpc30viTW54k
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/megan.eddinger/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/The-No-BS-Mama-111252471230304/?ref=py_c

Transcript

DJ Stutz  0:13  
You're listening to Episode 40 of Imperfect Heroes, Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. I'm your host DJ Stutz. And have you ever had a time when you just cringe and you think I've totally screwed my kid up? Have you ever watched the news and thought, well, at least my kid isn't that bad? Or worse is that my kids future? You're not alone. And we've all had these worries, and we have all messed up. Today, I'm talking with podcast host Megan Eddinger of the No BS Mama podcast. And we had a fun conversation, sharing our own stories, and then how parents can learn to cut themselves a little slack. There's so much to learn. So let's get started.

Oh, my goodness, there are times when I look back at raising my kids. And I just have to shake my head. It's a wonder that we all got out alive. My boys were born adrenaline junkies. And from the time they could walk they were taking chances. We managed through stitches and bruises, falls and bumps. And one time, we ran into our pediatrician at the grocery store. And he said, I haven't seen Shiloh in a while, is he dead? We were in his office so often that we were like friends. I can remember when Candace was four and we lived in a basement apartment of a home where the landlord was a hairdresser. And she found some Haircutting scissors somewhere and decided to cut her own hair in the most adorable reverse Mohawk. This was three days before our family pictures were going to be taken. And Thanksgiving Day, she learned a few new words that day that I'm not proud of. And this cutting your own hair, became a theme in her life and drove me crazy. By the way, we still had our family pictures taken and they're hysterical. Now, we all have moments like this. Everyone does. And Megan shares ways that we can give ourselves a break and keep trying. Let's listen in.

I'm here with my friend, Megan Eddinger, who is one of our imperfect heroes and she's got a podcast of her own. And so I'd love for you Megan to just tell us a little more about what you do and how life is for you.

Megan Eddinger  3:01  
Sure, thanks, DJ. Yeah, my podcast is called the No BS Mama. And the idea behind that the No BS Mama is really a place for moms to come to hear stories of other moms. So we can start to normalize some experiences that we all have throughout motherhood. And then I also bring on guests experts as well with the whole premise of there's no perfect way to do anything. There's no really right way to do anything. So it's a place where people can come learn some things, take what feels good for them and kind of leave the rest. So that's kind of my mission there.

DJ Stutz  3:34  
Yeah. And it's a great little podcast. So we'll have all the info in our show notes. Perfect. And so anyone can find and contact you through that. So tell us about your family, your kids.

Megan Eddinger  3:48  
Yeah. So my husband and I met when we were 16. He was driving, I was not yet. And then we actually got pregnant our senior year of high school. So we were a team parents. fast forward through that we were married by 20. And then had babies two and three at 21 and 23. I'm 35. Now so our kids are older. They are 1713 and 11. They're very active. So we are just usually don't eat dinner most nights until about nine o'clock at night. And just navigating all the team thing. So we have last year I had the three kids. They were in two different school districts and three different schools. That was interesting with the whole who's in school in person today, who's online today, synchronous, who's asynchronous, all of that kind of stuff. Now we're down. We still have the two school districts, but we're just in two schools. So I've got two middle schoolers and one high school.

DJ Stutz  4:46  
Wow, that's such an adventure. It's crazy. I remember, kids were raised in Las Vegas. We lived there for 20 years. And they were building schools so quickly there As it was growing so fast that my oldest daughter was in 10th grade before she went to the same school two years in a row. Wow. Yeah. And at one point, because they were doing year round school schedules and all these split sessions schedules, all these different things. So I had all four of my kids at the time on four different schedules. And yeah, I have to admit, there was one time I forgot one.

Megan Eddinger  5:32  
Well, I'll tell you a funny story. Let so the school that my kids normally will go to, is under construction. At the time, if we had elementary school and middle school, both schools were under construction. And our kids are normally walkers. We've got one school across the street and one school just around the corner. But now they are in a school that is all the way on. It's in really a different town. It's about 15 minutes away. And with the pandemic, we're not going to school for me, the teacher nights, we're not we're never at the school, right, and the kids take a bus. And we have a bus driver shortage. And so the one morning the bus didn't come or I forget what the situation was. But the kids needed a ride to school, and they have different start time. So I take the middle schooler, and we're running around and we're like, I don't know how to get there. And I don't even know the name of the school, because it's the actual school building the name of the school. So if I google the school that he goes to, it's going to give me directions to across the street. So it takes us like 20 minutes to figure out the name of the stupid school. I finally get him there. He's late, of course. Later, I'm in a meeting for work. And my husband takes my daughter to school and just drops her off. And he drops her off in the elementary school at the campus. But her elementary school is actually in the middle school at the campus. So she's in the wrong school building. She's in the office, like I don't know where I'm supposed to be is they have to, like take her to the correct building. I was like we are. I don't know why they haven't taken these kids away from us. We're a mess.

DJ Stutz  7:10  
We all have days like that. And so that kind of I think leads us into some that you've heard of mom guilt. Mm. Right. And the role that that plays in the lives of moms? Yeah. What's your experience with that?

Megan Eddinger  7:30  
I think we all have our fair share of experience with mom guilt. Mine stems from being a young mom. The kids didn't have access to the same types of things that their friends had access to when they were younger, because we were just getting ourselves started in our careers, whereas their friend's parents were more like financially stable. I had a corporate job. My husband and I both had corporate jobs at the time before remote work was really a thing. And so my kindergartener would come home. And he'd be like, you know, so and so's mom comes to school, and she raised to the class every Friday, and you never come. And so then I would take time off from work to make sure that I was in the classroom so that he felt supported. But I'll tell you my most impactful story with mom guilt when my son was two years old, my oldest son was two years old, my husband, I were both working full time and going to school full time in the evenings. And what that meant for our family was my husband go to school on Mondays and Thursdays, and I would go Tuesdays and Wednesdays. So after I dropped my son off at daycare on Tuesday morning, I didn't see him again until Thursday morning. Yeah, because he'd be sleeping by the time I got him and just let our schedules work. So for that semester, that was our schedule. And he got sick somewhere in that Tuesday, Wednesday time period. And I took him to the doctor on Thursday. And the doctor starts asking questions about when the symptoms started. And I burst into tears. And like I, I don't know, I haven't seen them since Monday, like I'm relying on the information I'm getting from the daycare. And I just felt like the world's worst mom, the world's absolute worst mom. Like I was neglecting my kid and he's with his father. He's with the daycare provider. He's in really good hands of people that love him. But I just felt like I'm failing. I'm absolutely failing. As a mom, I can't even answer these questions at the doctor's office, you know?

DJ Stutz  9:28  
Yeah. And things like that are just so hard, especially for our very young families, our young parents. I was 17 when I met my husband, and we got married at 20. I had my first at 22. And the story goes on so we were young, still in college just trying to figure out life. And moms are real hard on themselves. You want everything for your child, but really the truth is what they need is Is Your Love and knowing that if they need you, you'll be there. And you were there taking time off to go and do things. But we tend to think, a lot. I feel on the things that we're not able to do, rather than, but we're doing this, we're doing that we're doing them, right. And so what are the positive things that are going on in our family? And then you can ask yourself, Where do we go from here? How do I build on that? Just appropriately?

Megan Eddinger  10:35  
Yeah. Yeah, so when they were younger, I was not really the mom that cared so much about how they were dressed. Or you know, that kind of thing. I was very much a Pick Your Battles type of Mom, if you want to go to school in your princess dress. Go for it. I don't care. Just get on the bus. Especially with the kids being in different schools. One school has pajama day and one school doesn't. Well, guess what? Both kids are going to school in their pajamas. Because try telling one kid that they have to get up and get dressed in real clothes while the other kid gets to get dressed in you know, comfy pajama clothes. Those are just things I was embarrassed a little bit but like, what what am I gonna do about it play with my kids all morning, Sunday school crying in a pair of jeans? Because why? For what? So yeah, I was very much pick your battles, in terms of that kind of stuff. And I think

DJ Stutz  11:29  
for me, being the oldest of seven, and having five brothers. I think I really had a advantage, I think over some other young moms. My youngest brother was born the summer before my senior year. Wow. Yeah. And he slept in my room while I was getting up with him in the middle of the night. Yeah. And yeah, so I did have that kind of experience. I wanted my daughter to be in nice clothes, the best clothes I could afford anyway. But I also didn't freak out if she got dirty. Or we lived up in quarterly in Idaho at the time. And we lived in a log house. And we had nothing but forest behind our house. And we had this strawberry patch. She walked up to that strawberry patch and just ate. I think a lot of strawberries we were dealing with after days. Yeah. It's life. It's just kind of how it goes. And I don't think that people judge a young mom as much as a young mom feels. Mm hmm. That they're being judged.

Megan Eddinger  12:48  
Yeah, I always felt like, eyes were on me, especially in the very, very beginning when we were on government assistance, and I was paying for groceries and formula with food stamps or whatever. Wic it was the WIC program back then where I was from. But I hated going to the grocery store, because inevitably, someone would get in line behind me. And then there'd be something wrong because I got 1.1 pounds of cheese instead of one pound of cheese. And so the transaction won't go through those moments, especially I just felt like if I could just set myself on fire disappear right now. That'd be awesome.

DJ Stutz  13:25  
Yeah, and I understand that that can be difficult. Mm hmm. Right. But I think I don't know. I mean, I see parents with a lot of different attitudes, a lot of different backgrounds. And I see people who are well established make a lot of money, not young kids. They're mature adults. And I see them make a ton of mistakes to overindulging, and giving in, I think a little more, I see some of that mom guilt going on with them. Because they're working so hard. They're doing some of these other things, then they feel guilty. And so then it kind of rolls into this great big snowball. And so you wind up with kids who don't understand boundaries, don't understand the value of working towards something, or being able to wait to get something they don't understand waiting till payday.

Megan Eddinger  14:25  
Yeah, yeah. It's interesting, because my oldest, there's four years between him and my middle son, and my oldest definitely can remember when we didn't have as much, and that has really shaped him to who he is. And so what happens is when we go like back to school shopping, for example, my oldest is very aware of how much things cost, how long people have to work to pay for things, especially because he has his own job. He's making his own money now. So all of these things come into play when he's choosing what We need to buy, whereas my middle son is automatically attracted to the most expensive thing in every single store that we go to. And it's like, Nicholas, what about this pullback that's on sale? Why do we have to buy the most expensive one, we have to have a lot of those conversations with him. He's just not aware. And I think part of that is a personality thing that needs to be taught. And there's nothing wrong with having different values when people value things that are expensive. And that's fine. As a family, we tend not to. And so that's a conversation that we have to have with him. But I find it so interesting that even within the dynamics of my family, where even my own family of origin, I have kind of a similar situation where I'm the oldest of five, we didn't have a ton when I was growing up even into high school, and then circumstances changed. And so my youngest siblings, they had a totally different childhood. And even as adults, they spend money differently. They just have a whole different concept when it comes to money. But in terms of the young parent versus parents that wait a little bit longer. It's interesting, because when we had little kids, especially toddlers that require all that energy to keep up with them all the time. Parents would always say to us like, Oh, lucky, you're so young, you have all this energy, blah, blah. And we would always look at them like, Yeah, well, how's it feel to be established and in a house that you're going to live in forever, before you had all these kids, and you can afford daycare, where it's more of a stretch for us? So, again, there's no right way to do it. There's no perfect or best time to do it. There's just your experiences are different. That's all.

DJ Stutz  16:37  
Yeah. And I think that when we're comparing ourselves to someone else, comparing ourselves to so and so's family, or so and so's family, we're not doing any service, we're not doing a service to them. And we're not doing a service to ourselves or our family. And it's so natural for us to look at someone and think, oh, they have the perfect family. Right? And why don't my kids act this way? Why aren't they getting the good grades, and they're the student body president or their whatever, it's so easy for us to compare. And yet, most of the time, we find out that those kids have problems too. Those families have problems too. And they may not be as visible maybe as our as our to us. But it still goes on. And so I think the best thing that we can do is if we want to try to learn from somebody and talk to them, maybe look at someone as a mentor, or a friend, an informed friend. That's one thing. But when you're just comparing. That's not okay, man, that's just going to send you into a depression dive. And then you start making decisions out of guilt. And that's never a good place to be coming from.

Megan Eddinger  18:06  
Yeah, and it's so easy nowadays, with social media and everything to fall into that trap that comparison trap. And just like you said, every one that you know, has stuff, it might be different stuff than what you have and what you're dealing with. But nobody has the perfect spouse with the high paying job with the kids that never misbehave. Life doesn't work like that. Everyone has seasons where everything sure everything's great this week, or this month, or whatever. But you don't get to have those seasons without some kind of sacrifice or some kind of mud that you have to get through to get there. So and with influencer culture and everything. Remember, even if someone is showing up on your timeline, constantly all day long, and it feels like you're seeing their whole day you're not. You're seeing very, very small snippets of their day. And of course, they're not showing you the time they lost their temper. Of course, they're not showing you the time that they had McDonald's for dinner, you know, they're not they're only showing you what they want you to see. as authentic as it seems. You're still only getting these tiny glimpses. Well, and

DJ Stutz  19:27  
for me, when I see somebody who's on several times during the day, my thought is, why do you need to put this out there that much? Are you needing approval so badly? That this is where you're going to try and convince people that your life is okay. And so I tend to worry honestly about people who are posting constantly, and it's always this good stuff, or even sometimes it's always bad stuff. do you get people who are in that and maybe looking for sympathy or the it's a cry for help? So but both of those are cries for help. And so you don't need to feel inferior to Yeah, anybody that's doing all that posting on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter?

Megan Eddinger  20:22  
Yeah. But even if it's someone that you know, in real life like that mom on the PTA, the lady down the street, your sister, your own mom, you are your own person, your experiences are yours. And, again, everyone has their stuff that they either have dealt with, or they're currently dealing with, or will deal with in the future. So, yeah, it's hard to remember that, but it's important.

DJ Stutz  20:46  
Well, it's interesting. My freshman year in college, my parents actually split up for a while. And they wind up getting back together and blah, blah, blah. But when that happened, everyone was just in the absolute state of shock, because we supposedly had the perfect family. Right? Yeah. And we had all these kids, we got decent grades. We didn't get into trouble. There was never any problem with alcohol or drugs with any of us. And so I think people in the community, in the neighborhood, at church, at our schools, when they were involved in different school things, athletics, they were super involved in all of that. And so when it happened, us kids knew it was not good at home. But you didn't say anything back then you had to be part of the show. Yeah. And so just remember that everybody struggles, and even though they may not be very visual, or very public struggles, everyone's dealing with their own garbage.

Megan Eddinger  21:58  
Mm hmm. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

DJ Stutz  22:02  
So what are some of the things on your podcast that talk about in trying to help parents understand maybe this, because to me, and as I listened it and looked at your stuff, it does seem like it's this, getting away from the mom guilt, and life is life. So how do you bring people around?

Megan Eddinger  22:26  
Yeah, well, a huge focus of my content is mental health. I think that we have mental health crisis here in the United States, and particularly for moms, particularly right now in this pandemic. And so, a big part of my message is sharing my own story with anxiety and depression, some of the symptoms that I thought were normal, I thought it was normal to snap at your kids all the time, I thought it was normal to be annoyed with your husband, I thought it was normal to be tired. All of the time, I felt like I was just conditioned to believe that all these things were normal. And what that meant for me was that I was living a miserable life that wasn't fulfilling. And I think that there are a lot of people in that space that don't know that they need help. They don't know that they need therapy, or medicine, or even just general tools to take care of their own well being. And moms particularly especially throughout this pandemic, they're carrying so much extra, as if they had room for extra anything anyway. But providing them with the tools to find that space for themselves and really put themselves first because we're so selfless. And everything that we do, we put our kids first we put our spouses First we put our own parents and siblings before ourselves. And it really is time to use the support system that we have, and put ourselves first we can show up better for the people around us. And we do that honestly.

DJ Stutz  24:00  
Right. And I also another part of that, that I really worry about with our families, is, I think one of the best gifts that you can give your kids is a healthy relationship between you and your spouse. Yeah, and so when they're seeing that there's love and there's thinking about the other person, you can even get the kids involved in a surprise for mommy, or a surprise for daddy. And we're all involved in treating each other with dignity and kids really do pay attention to how you solve disagreements. Mm hmm. And they learned from that big time. So I think about what are the things then that you can do to make sure that you're taking care of yourself. You're also showing love have any respect for your spouse, and making sure that they feel that? Yeah, and then letting your kids see the importance of that role. And I know that, you know, things get toxic sometimes and people change, and maybe the person you married is no longer really there. Something's happened, whatever it might have been, something's happened, and is made changes to the point where it's too toxic to stay around, and you need to move on. And I get that. I've watched it happen to people. I've been fortunate enough that being as young as we were, when we met and got married, we're still married. And in fact, next month will be 44 years.

Megan Eddinger  25:51  
Wow, that's amazing. I'm

DJ Stutz  25:53  
old. And they haven't been 44. Great years, I'll be honest about it. We've had times where it's like, I don't know if I can take this anymore.

Megan Eddinger  26:03  
Yeah. And to just highlight that point that it's not going to be 45 5060 glorious years without struggle, right. My husband and I, we recently celebrated 19 years together since our first date. And we have separated twice, in that time, largely because of I mentioned earlier about our schedule, we never saw our kids, really, we never saw each other. And we just we didn't realize at the time that we were growing in separate directions, not necessarily growing apart, but growing in separate directions. And by the time we realized that we were kind of too far down that path, we couldn't reconnect without help. And during one of our marriage counseling sessions, our therapist said to me, you know, you need to put your husband above your children, and you need to, when he comes home from work, it's you greet him, no matter what is going on in the house, you know, all that kind of stuff. And I was like, You're out of your mind, like, I'm not going to do that. But here I am feeling like my needs aren't being met, and my kid's needs aren't being met, I'm the only person you know, I, the whole mental load thing. At the time, I was really the only person that was caring for the emotional needs and the physical needs of all three of the kids. And now you want me to put his needs above theirs, you are out, I'm not doing that. I'm out. I'm not doing that. And it took a lot of work on myself a lot of work, Drew did a lot of work himself. And then together, we did a lot of work. And now we're able to do that. And our schedule is still kind of all over the place for different reasons now. But now, I will say to him, it has been a really long time since we have really connected and I don't feel close to you, like we need a date. And the date for us doesn't mean to go out and spend money and like No, we just need intentional time together where we're just hanging out, you know, that time is so, so important to us. But really, I think in any marriage, those small moments, you know, they don't have to be these big grand gestures or these big expensive dinners or experiences. But those smaller moments where you're just connecting and just hanging out and just being with each other. It's important, and you really do have to be intentional, especially if you have kids that are active in extracurricular activities, and schedules are tough. You do you have to be very, very intentional about it.

DJ Stutz  28:42  
Absolutely. You need to schedule it in, it's in your calendar. And that time is sacred. Mm hmm. That is something that will keep your family together. Even beyond this life. This is what really melts us together. And I'll tell you something, so many couples, they'll raise their kids. And then the kids leave, they grow up and they were successful. No one's living in the basement, right? They're getting them out the door. And the couples break up. Because they realize that their whole life, their whole connection had been through the kids. And they didn't develop that relationship between each other. And so now that the kids are gone, they find that they have nothing left in common. And I see them splitting up. That even happened to my grandparents. Oh, and I mean, they were apart for three months. They got back together. It's like what are we gonna do? We're old, you know, right. My grandpa retired from he was a college professor in Oregon. He was driving my grandma out of her mind, the stupid couch, turn off the TV and go and do something. Yeah. And so you really want to keep that relationship together. Because really, chances are decent if you keep that marriage strong, you're gonna have more time without your kids than worth. Mm hmm. But we've been able to build on that. But you really need to think that when the kids are gone? Who is this guy that or who is this gal that I'm going to be with? And how am I supporting that relationship so that it continues on in a positive and loving way?

Megan Eddinger  30:38  
Yeah, and not only that, but like you kind of mentioned earlier, if your marriage is your or any relationship, really, but especially your marriage is an example for your kids. So if there's not a lot of affection, or respect, or those things, then your kids, they think that that's what's normal. And that's what they seek. And that's what they end up with. And so driving force behind a lot of my decisions. And a lot of the actions that I take is what I want this for my kids, is this the kind of husband I want to raise, this is the kind of wife I want to raise, do I want them thinking these things about their life? And not just their marriage, but just everything? In general? Everything that I do is through that lens of do I want this for my kids? Yes or no?

DJ Stutz  31:25  
Right? I wish we could get that information into the heads of our kids when they were younger. I know. Because it's Oh, he's cute, you know, next thing, you know, there's a baby on the way and he's a creeper. But he's cute. And they don't really take into account the consequences of those decisions. And looking at don't date anybody that you think you would not want to be around your kids? And if you start dating them, and you realize like, oh, yeah, no. Break it off. Yeah, I don't care if he's the quarterback for the varsity football team. Break it off and save yourself some time. But these are hard messages to get through to our kids.

Megan Eddinger  32:19  
Yeah, especially because you know, who wants to listen to their mom, when they're that age? You know, we're ancient. What do we know?

DJ Stutz  32:26  
Mm hmm. Yeah. Do you ever talk about the mental health of your children on your podcast and with your guests?

Megan Eddinger  32:34  
Yeah, so I try really hard to share just my experiences. But I will share that some of my kids do experience some of the same things that I do. And we talk about it in private, but I talk about my own experiences with the entire family so that they know, first of all, that they're not alone in what they're experiencing, what they need to look out for. And then that they should be asking for help if they're experiencing some of these things that I experienced. And so we we have had some kids in therapy, and wasn't an extended thing. And that's the other thing, you know, people think like, therapy is a last resort or therapy is for people who are beyond repair can't be fixed or whatever. And that's not the case. Some people are in therapy more long term. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can go with one issue and identify the issue, identify tools to help you with the issue, go for a follow up session and be done. But if you continue to ignore all of these things, then you end up as an adult with these deep rooted issues that you can't really put your finger on. And then you end up in this intensive therapy session. And so we were able to go in, identify the root of the anxiety, which ended up being video games, by the way, too much time on video games, especially too much time on video games too close to bedtime. And so that became something that we didn't really argue about. But obviously kids don't like when rules change and when things are taken away from them. But we have to have the conversation. This is an experiment right now. We're gonna see if we implement these things if you start to feel better, and we implemented those things, and we start to feel better. And now we know. And so again, especially now with all like screentime in my house too. Like, again, no one's perfect, but with the pandemic screentime rules. What is that? Who are they? So just something to really pay attention to. And I know that it's tough as adults because we have our own stuff going on. And so it's a lot easier to the kid is inside of your house playing a video game, you know that they're safe. They're not bothering you. They're not in your business, like all of that stuff is great, but really pay attention to how it might be impacting them otherwise

DJ Stutz  35:00  
Right, and to when they're online, and they've got their headphones in, you can't hear those conversations, and you don't know what's going on. Bad things can happen. Yeah, you really need to watch for those changes. And I'm talking about little guys. It's not just teenagers that this is happening to. But kids as young as five, and six will get on, and they'll get on a multiple player a multiplayer game, and they have those headphones on. And they may be thinking they're talking to another seven year old or whatever. And they're not

Megan Eddinger  35:41  
know, these are grown men playing these games, grown men, and grown men saying grown men things. And it's not really their fault that it's your 13 year old or your seven year old in the same game room. And it's not. It's not again, this is not to shame anybody, but really just to bring awareness to the reality because some parents really they just don't know. They don't know, because they don't play the game. But the reality is that your six year old seven year old, 10 year old, whatever is playing with with grown men, right? So

DJ Stutz  36:17  
I know what game they're on, if it's Mario Kart, or whatever. It doesn't matter. There's grown men in that group, pretty much.

Megan Eddinger  36:27  
And the way I explained it to my kids is if you were at the playground, and you saw a group of 25 year olds playing basketball, would you walk up to that group and ask if you could play? Probably not. So this video game is no different, right. And that's kind of how I relate it to them so that they can understand because it's hard for them to understand because all of their friends are doing it right. And then there's the peer pressure and all that kind of stuff. So one thing that helps me feel a little bit better is that my oldest forget, I was just way more strict with him. So he never really had an opportunity to get into video games, My middle child. Again, with the pandemic, it was the best way for him to connect with his friends while everything was locked down. And so I was like, Sure, go ahead and fine. But what ended up happening is my husband and my son, and then my son's friend and his dad all get on and they play together. So it's the four of them. And it's supervise. And it's something fun that they do together. And so there are ways around it. So you don't have to cut off video games completely. But definitely try and get creative to see how you can stay involved and stay in tune and stay in touch with what's going on.

DJ Stutz  37:43  
Agreed. Absolutely agreed. So bottom line, quit with the mom guilt. Understand that you're doing the best you can constantly look for new ideas for places where you can share and learn. That's a great way to keep being a great mom or dad. And then just be aware of your kids. Yeah, yeah,

Megan Eddinger  38:06  
yeah. And if you feeling like a bad mom or questioning whether or not you are a good mom, and you're looking for resources to improve or to address a situation in your household, pretty much guarantee that you're not a bad mom.

DJ Stutz  38:20  
Exactly. Bad Moms don't

Megan Eddinger  38:22  
do that kind of stuff.

DJ Stutz  38:23  
Exactly. Yeah. And there are bad moms out there. Yeah. I mean, absolutely are. But I think that the majority of parents really care and are really trying their best. And they might not understand all of the nuances or understand where we can take this because their own life experiences their own education and human growth and development, whether that's formal or informal. But if you're trying, I think you're kind of on the right track. So with that in mind, let me ask you, how would you define a successful parent? Oh,

Megan Eddinger  39:11  
a successful parents, I would say, any parent who is attentive to their child's needs, and being creative and finding the resources to support themselves to better support their children, or child is a successful parent. So if you are not only using the tools that you have at your disposal, but then asking doctors or listening to podcasts or reading books or what have you, however, you want to find that information. You are a successful parent.

DJ Stutz  39:48  
You know, I totally agree with you. I love it. So Megan Eddinger. Thanks so much for coming and spending some time with us and sharing things. You know, and the love you have for kids and for parents who are just trying hard. And so we know you have the podcast is there anywhere else that you might want to direct my listeners to catch up with you?

Megan Eddinger  40:13  
Yeah, so that No BS Mama podcast, wherever you're listening to your pod to this podcast. That's a great way to get in touch. I'm also most active on Instagram at Megan.Eddinger EDD ing er. And I also have a free Facebook community that is just getting started. So it's super small now. But again, I just want to cultivate a place where moms can come to feel supported and ask questions and get advice without all of the mom group stuff that goes on?

DJ Stutz  40:47  
Absolutely. Well, thanks so much. And I'll have of course, all of that information in our show notes. And just as a PS here, I had a fun time being on Megan's podcast. And so when we get the information on the drop date, and that I'll be posting that on my Instagram and my Facebook, and so hopefully, you'll have a chance to listen in on that.

Megan Eddinger  41:14  
Perfect. Yeah, I would love that. Thank you so much.

DJ Stutz  41:17  
You bet we'll talk to you soon. I love Megan's story, starting at such a young age doesn't mean that you're doomed as a parent. Whether you are young or more mature, no parent is perfect. Everyone screws up, we overschedule were away at work too long. We have our own emotional triggers, we forget things we blow up when we shouldn't, we feel guilty about not being able to buy them the things that they want. Or we try to make up for our own shortcomings by buying too much. When we compare ourselves to others, it's a lot like judging someone, we begin to hold them up to a standard that they might not be able to live up to. And we often feel like less in our efforts. And it doesn't do anyone any good. Megan's information is all in our show notes. So about her podcast, and her website and all of the things that you can do to get in contact with her. And while you're looking over the show notes, go ahead and leave a five star rating and review and taking the time to give the podcast that five star rating and a review makes the podcasts easier to find. And we are then able to help more families. And have you hit follow yet. Make sure you're following the podcast so you don't miss anything. And the follows along with the ratings and reviews are going to help people find us. 

Are you up to date on all things, Imperfect Heroes? Register for my free newsletter at www.LittleHeartsAcademyusa.com and never miss a beat. And I've been talking about this for the last three weeks or so about parent teacher conferences. And if you haven't already had yours, it's coming up quickly. This is the season for the spring conferences. And do you know how to have a conference that will actually let you in on how your child is truly doing? What questions should you ask and what information does your teacher need to know? So you can get all of that information in a one hour webinar called Parent Teacher Conferences: What To Ask And What To Share. And you can find this on my website, www.littleheartsacademyusa.com. And for right now in probably the next four weeks, I'm offering this webinar for free. And normally I charge $50 for that. So go ahead and take advantage of this. And even if you've already had your parent teacher conference, you're still going to have important conversations with your teacher by the end of the year, you know, plans for year end thing? Is there going to be a field day can I volunteer? And then how is my kid going to end the year if you come up with some plans during conference on some changes that you're making to help them with their behavior or their academic success. And so we talk about all these things on this one hour webinar. Next week. I have Bailey Olsen back for another great conversation. And I love Bailey. She happens to be my niece and I love her so much. My kids grew up with my sister and her family. And Bailey is an amazing teacher. She's a gymnastics coach. She was a college gymnast. She is so involved with kids, and she's really good at helping parents understand where your child can need some extra help and how we can get them there. She's just awesome. And next week we're going to be talking about punishment versus discipline. And I'm going to be having Bailey come back every once in a while, just to have a conversation about key topics. She's a young mom. She's got a kindergartner and a first grader, and she has so much to offer. So until so until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Megan Eddinger Profile Photo

Megan Eddinger

Mom of 3/Podcast Host

Megan is a 35- year-old, married to her high school sweetheart, podcast host and mother of 3 who became a mom just 2 weeks after her 18th birthday… and had her last baby at just 23 years old. She was thrown into motherhood before she really had a chance to figure out who she was. Megan’s goal with her “The No BS Mama” podcast is to normalize all the parts of motherhood that no one tells you about so that other moms don’t feel so alone in their own journeys.