Episode 10: How do You Further Your Education When You Have Little Kids? with Dr. Erin Bennion

DJ Stutz  00:14
You're listening to imperfect heroes insights into parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in An imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz,  Hey everyone, thank you for choosing to spend the next few minutes with us here at Imperfect Heroes, insights into parenting, and you'll see I don't have my normal background up. That is because I have a guest in home that's only happened a few times in our 168 episodes. You're 169 

Wolfgang Bennion  01:03
Oh, really.

DJ Stutz  01:04
Yeah. So when I have someone here, this is where the magic happens. I know it's very exciting.  You know, this whole month we've been talking about self discipline and how to encourage that in our own children. But parents need to look at their own self discipline as well, like when you're really dorked, you're had enough. We use self-discipline so we don't kill our children and yeah, and that's a good thing before we get started on this great topic, though, I have two things I want to share. Number one is, you know, my book, Roman is Bigger. It got a five star review from breeders favorite, and that's a big deal, actually. But also, just this week, it went on Kindle, really, yeah, you can now get a Kindle version of this. So, yeah, just go to Amazon, and of course, I'll have the link in the show notes. You know, I'm gonna do that. Make it easy for you. If you want just a Kindle version, that's fine. Or if you want, I've got a hardcover and soft cover and the next one. We're keeping our fingers crossed. We're hoping "Roman is a Bigger Brother" will be coming out in time for Christmas. 

Wolfgang Bennion  02:14
Nice. 

DJ Stutz  02:14
It's iffy. We'll see. We'll see. But we're working with the illustratorright now, and things are going good. The other thing I wanted to share with you is that our podcast has been nominated for Best podcast in the category of parenting, family and kids by the women in podcasting group. 

Wolfgang Bennion  02:35
That's awesome. 

DJ Stutz  02:36
I know. So voting ends on October 1, so it's getting close. Guess what? Again, the link to vote for me is in the show notes. Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, Mom and Dad, have them all vote for Imperfect Heroes, and we would appreciate that. All right. So let's get going. This is Wolfgang Benyon. Now, if you've been listening from the very beginning, you'll know there were several binions that were in there on those first 15 episodes, because I was just getting started learning how to line up guests. And so if they're Bennion, they're related to me. This is not an exception. This is my nephew, Wolfgang. Bennion and his dad and sister were on Episode Five, and your mom was on Episode 10.  So episode five was about raising strong daughters. I love that, Sunny, his sister's name is Sunny, and that her senior year, she was homecoming queen. 

Wolfgang Bennion  03:38
Yes, 

DJ Stutz  03:39
She also kicked the game winning field goal at the homecoming game. She was on the varsity football team. 

Wolfgang Bennion  03:45
And that was a big story. 

DJ Stutz  03:47
That was a big story. It was so much fun, so much fun. So anyway, and then your mom, who is Dr Bennion, she's got her doctorate in nursing, and we talked about moving forward in education when you've got little kids, because she had all three of you guys while she was working on all that. So strong, good family. Love this family. Love this family. So much. We moved here into the middle of nowhere. Oh, yeah, to be close to you guys. 

Wolfgang Bennion  04:14
Yeah, you just had your first Idaho winter this past... 

DJ Stutz  04:17
We did. It was pretty exciting, yeah? And I heard it was mild. 

Wolfgang Bennion  04:22
No, that was definitely mild. That was a really mild winter. They get, they get pretty bad. 

DJ Stutz  04:26
So we're excited for that. And so anyway, we are just having a good time now, Wolfgang, you're the oldest of three. 

Wolfgang Bennion  04:33
Yes. 

DJ Stutz  04:34
And you just graduated from college in psychology. 

Wolfgang Bennion  04:39
History, history. 

DJ Stutz  04:40
Oh, excuse me, history. And then you also went through the ROTC program. 

Wolfgang Bennion  04:45
Yep. 

DJ Stutz  04:46
And you are a second lieutenant. 

Wolfgang Bennion  04:48
Yes, in the army. 

DJ Stutz  04:51
Moving on. You'll be leaving me soon with your baby. I'm so sad about that bummer. I know, but you'll be going to Washington. 

Wolfgang Bennion  04:59
Yeah, so I'll be stationed at Fort Lewis, Washington, but first I have a training in Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. 

DJ Stutz  05:06
Got it so you've got all of that going on, and you were telling me it's like a butter bar? 

Wolfgang Bennion  05:11
Yeah? 

DJ Stutz  05:12
Is the insignia for the first lieutenant? 

Wolfgang Bennion  05:14
Yeah, the nickname for a second lieutenant is a butter bar. 

DJ Stutz  05:17
A second lieutenant. Yeah? Yeah. Fun, fun, fun, fun. Now your brother, Browning also just graduated in May from West Point. 

Wolfgang Bennion  05:26
Yes. 

DJ Stutz  05:26
So he is also a second lieutenant. Yes, he is also a second lieutenant.  And you'll, once you get to Washington, you'll be stationed together, 

Wolfgang Bennion  05:33
Yep, hopefully we'll be living in the same town, but we'll still be working on the same base, same general area. 

DJ Stutz  05:38
Yeah. So cool. And Browning just got married, yes. So lots of fun, excitement in your family. And you have the most adorable little guy, Leo. And he is a year old.

Wolfgang Bennion  05:50
He is 15 months.

DJ Stutz  05:52
15 months. That just goes by his way too fast. Yeah, adorable. Little redhead. Love that kid. He's so much fun, so cute. You're just starting out on this whole parenting journey, and I know that the family that you grew up in was very structured self discipline, and if you didn't self discipline, someone else would discipline you. 

Wolfgang Bennion  06:17
You didn't self discipline, you'd get disciplined.

DJ Stutz  06:21
That's right. And so now you're the parent,and you've got this cute little guy so and  your wife, Bethany. So sweet, love Bethany. She is great. So you're starting to have, well, hopefully you've had these conversations about, what are the important things that you want to teach and pass on to your children? 

Wolfgang Bennion  06:42
Yeah.  

DJ Stutz  06:42
Leo's just the start, I think. And so one of the things that you might talk about is that whole self discipline thing. How are you going to teach Leo to be one of those kids that does the right thing when no one is looking. 

Wolfgang Bennion  06:58
Well, I think part of it is self discipline. You said it's self discipline. It's got to be something you want. Something you want to do rather than being forced on you. And that's just going to come with finding a goal you have, whether it's like for me when I was on the wrestling or football team in high school or even in the army, it's you have this this goal in mind that you want to achieve, and it's how badly do you want that goal are you going to stick to the things that you need to do to achieve that, whether it's playing varsity football or getting a Temple marriage. You know, it's all up to you to decide what you want to do and how you're going to get there. 

DJ Stutz  07:08
Yeah, and so when we start young, honestly, you started teaching him self discipline already in that when he's around another child or a pet or whatever. You're teaching him soft touch. He's gonna learn on his own eventually. 

Wolfgang Bennion  07:46
Yeah? 

DJ Stutz  07:46
You don't need daddy or mommy there to put my hand on the dog or whatever, yeah? And be gentle. So you've already started teaching self discipline.  

Wolfgang Bennion  07:56
Yeah? 

DJ Stutz  07:56
So what are some of the things then, then you see coming down the road, maybe in the next year or so, and then we can talk about maybe as he gets older.  Yeah, um, so some of the things I'm seeing for Leo in the next year is, I mean, I'm gonna be gone for three and a half months, yeah, doing that training, and that's gonna be really hard, not just for me, but for his mom, and for him, like not having dad there. That's one of the ways that I teach him is, you know, it's there you interact differently at different times in different situations, but then also a lot of times you interact differently with mom and dad. We, you know, we have that rule you're saying, teaching them not to hit, you know, it's you. You do not hit mom ever under any circumstance, if you're rough housing with dad or you're playing rough and I mean not to say that you can't rough house with mom. You absolutely can. But I found Leo tends to want it. When he wants to roughhouse, he gravitates more towards me than to my wife. And if you're roughhousing that it is okay to be be a little bit rougher. But every person, every situation, is going to be different and to not have me be there, I think that's going to be kind of harder. Yeah, doing that. Yeah, that's true. And I think every family is different. The family Your dad and I grew up in the roughhousing came from mom, yeah. Have you met Grandee?  And my dad was more reserve and college professor.  Brainiac electrochemical engineering, known all over the world for his work. Every family, one parent will have something, and another parent will have another thing that they bring to the table. So how are some of the things then that you are going to teach him about, maybe treating girls, behaving in class, or just even picking up your toys and keeping things clean.

Wolfgang Bennion  09:08
Oh, yeah.  Part of is treating girls like Well, the big question is, would you treat your mother this way? Because growing up, the whole time, I've heard is especially my family and parents teaching my sisters you want to see how a young man is going to treat you as a girlfriend or as a spouse. Look at how he treats his mother. Look how he treats his sister and the women are in his life. And so the biggest thing is, Would you be okay? Or would your mom be okay if you did this to her? I mean, granted, there's, there's certain situations, like, yeah, it's gonna be a little bit different with your girlfriend than with your mom. You know, you're not hopefully, hopefully, you know what it's like. Are you gonna open the door for your mom? Are you gonna... 

DJ Stutz  10:11
She's gonna be load of groceries or something, 

Wolfgang Bennion  10:13
Exactly. 

DJ Stutz  10:13
Are you gonna get up off your butt and go help her? 

Wolfgang Bennion  10:16
Exactly?  Like, are you, are you gonna take that initiative to treat the young women in your life, how they need to be treated. I think that's going to start with how you're going to treat your mom or your sisters.

DJ Stutz  10:25
That's one of the things that I've noticed, Watching you guys grow up and being around that anytime I've like carrying a bunch of stuff, or I've never had to ask you or Browning for help, you notice, and bam, you get up and go without even being asked. So how did that come about? 

Wolfgang Bennion  10:45
Well, it's always going to start rough when you're younger, because when you're a little kid, you don't understand that. You have a harder understanding what things are right and wrong, especially if it's not a hard line right or wrong, it's it's very easy to say, yeah, don't hit when you say it's wrong to not help mom with the groceries. I mean, it's not the same scale, like, hey, right? And this was gonna be a lot harder. You have to, maybe sometimes make them come help when they don't want to, you know? I mean, I remember when I was a little kid, mom would come home with groceries and dad's Okay, put it down, whatever you're doing, go help mom. You can either, you can either go help her willingly, and whatever you're doing, we'll still be there. We like, you can keep doing that as soon as you're done, or I can make you go help mom, and then whatever you're doing is going to be gone, yeah? And, I mean, it's kind of rough that way, but then as you start progressing with that, it starts to be less of a reward punishment and more of a just, that's just what's done, that's what you do. And it's not just like, not just with you or with Bethany or with my mom, like you see anyone who needs help is just, that's just what you do. That's who you want to be,

DJ Stutz  11:44
Right. Yeah, exactly. And I want to make the point too, that your mom could kick your butt. Yeah, so she's a two time world champion.

Wolfgang Bennion  11:54
Cross Fit champion, yep. 

DJ Stutz  11:56
CrossFit, world champion. Just recently, they went and we're in a jujitsu 

Wolfgang Bennion  12:02
Yeah. Jiu Jitsu tournament, 

DJ Stutz  12:03
tournament, and she came in first. yeah, yeah, yep. So it doesn't mean that someone has to be weak or needy, but just that I have an opportunity here 

Wolfgang Bennion  12:15
Exactly. You shouldn't help someone just because you see them as being weak or lesser than you. You should just help them because that's what you're supposed to do, because they need help, right? Whether it's your girlfriend, if you're on a date, or whether it's your mom, or whether you see some random guy if he drops groceries, or whatever, run you run to help him, right?

DJ Stutz  12:31
And I've seen you guys do that often. And so then two you talked about sports. And so you had football and wrestling. Yes, I know Sunny. Well, she had a little bit of football, but soccer and softball. Where do you think that came in? And what role did your parents have? Because I see some kids on sports team, and they're, I didn't get to play or whatever, and I don't see your parents like, Yeah, you better. Get better. Yeah. If you want to play, go home and practice, I'll help you. Yeah, but we're not going to get mad at the coach because he didn't put you in. 

Wolfgang Bennion  13:09
Yeah.  And I think especially with football, there's a little bit more explaining to do with that, because for wrestling, if you're not wrestling, you're not getting matches, and you're not varsity. And it's simple, you beat the guy who's in front of you. You have rest loss every week, and if you can beat the guy who's better than you, then you get his spa, right? So for wrestling, it's very simple, if you want more time and matches and you want more attention during those matches, then be the best one there, you know? And that's something that me and brown. I mean, whether it's natural talent, working hard, our parents always incentivized us to work as hard as we can. I mean, I wrestled varsity all four years in high school. My brother, I believe he did as well. Yeah, I think he did. I mean, we weren't always the best wrestlers in the room. I mean, towards our senior years, like my brother's two years younger than me, but during my senior year, then I think his eventually did. We were the best wrestlers in the room. The only people who could beat us were either the coaches or people who were significantly bigger than we were. My buddy Kenny was the only person in that room who could beat me, and that's because he had 100 pounds on me. Oh, wow, you know. But then for football, it's a same thing, like, if you're not happy with the time you're getting in the game, look at how you're practicing. It's hard. And I mean, I know I get a lot of different comments from people, because my dad was one of the coaches, defensive coordinator. Yeah, he was the D coordinator. Yeah. I hear a lot of people who are quick to say you were only a starter on varsity because your dad played your stats. Yeah. Like, look at my stats. Look at how hard I was working in practice. Like, I was all state O line my senior year, and I was probably one of the smallest o linemen in the state. Like, it's one of the things. Like, if you're not happy with where you are in life, whether it's with sports job. Then ask yourself, What are you doing to improve that situation? Like my dad with football, his go to reaction whenever you have a parent who's complaining about their kid not getting enough time is to say, Okay, come watch practice. Come watch how your son. Come watch his work ethic and practice, and then we'll talk. And it's just something that goes along with whether. It's, I mean, I always will, by nature, defer to football and wrestling, because that's what I'm familiar with. But even with Sunny, with soccer and with with softball. I mean, Sunny was first team was, like, player of the year every year she was played soccer. She's one of the best soccer players I've ever met. And it's, 

DJ Stutz  15:14
Yeah, she's playing college ball now, 

Wolfgang Bennion  15:16
Yep, she's got a scholarship, playing college soccer. And so it's one of those things, like, if you're not happy with where you are, then put in the work to get better. I remember sunny and sunny, if you're listening to this, don't take this the wrong way. I mean, Sunny, Sunny wasn't always great at soccer, you know, when she was first learning like, no one's great when you first start out. But then I think there are very few people who I've ever known who have put in the work that Sunny is put in to get to where she is. I mean, you look at her, yeah, she is tall, she is extremely athletic. She's the most athletic one in the family. And people look at her, and I Oh, that's just 100% just raw talent. Well, I mean, it's easy to say when you weren't there watching the work that was put in. I mean, I don't think anyone's ever worked as hard as my sister has to get the goals that she wants, right?

DJ Stutz  16:01
And I think you bring up such a good point, is that, especially, I think even more so in today's society than when my kids were younger, or I was younger, if it isn't easy, I'm giving up. You see that a lot. I see that a lot in school and academics, and I see that in relationships with adults, as soon as it gets hard, oh yeah, it's hard. Divorce whatever, drop it, yeah, and it just rips apart the lives of your kids. Well, I have to be happy, okay. Well, let's look at the bigger picture. And I think that's part of teaching self discipline is helping kids look at the bigger picture instead of yelling at them, it's not all about you, but saying when you did this, this was the result, yes, so and so got hurt. This friend is crying because their heart is broken because you were cruel, or you got in trouble at school because you were impulsive and didn't manage your emotions and got in trouble in the classroom or on the playground or whatever, and now I have to come in. So then that's a good thing too, is to talk about that. So when you did get in trouble like that at school, I know once in a while I got in trouble at school too, and imagine that, yeah, yeah, but if my mom got a phone call, I was in worse trouble when I got home. So and I'm wondering, and knowing Danny, that's your dad, the way that I know him, I imagine that's pretty much the same. Yeah,

Wolfgang Bennion  17:32
for your first question about people quitting because it's too hard, it's some advice that my mom has given me, and I think it's something I've lived by, is don't let the difficulty of the path deter you from achieving the goals that you want to in the future. What do you want to achieve? Whether it's like my mom getting a doctorate when she's raising three little hellion kids,

DJ Stutz  17:52
well, and then her Hellion husband, 

Wolfgang Bennion  17:56
Yeah, or whether it's my brother working his butt off to get accepted into West Point going through basic training when I enlisted right out of high school. You look at this goal, how bad do you want it? Like, okay, well, this is the path ahead of you. Yeah, it's hard. It's gonna suck, but it's gonna be worth it in the end. You know, with being in trouble in school. I mean, it seems like it was in elementary school, I think it was once or twice. But then in junior high, it seems like every day or every other day I was getting called out of the principal's office, the assistant principal's office, because I got in a fight with usually the same kid. But it's one of those things like, I think it comes as your get older, especially whether it's men or women, male or female, you tend to be a lot more hotheaded and have a harder time controlling your emotions. As a kid, I remember every time my dad would have to come get me, depending on how bad it was, whether I got the full on brawl, or whether we just, I got in an argument with someone, it's like, hey, well, you messed up. He was never one of those parents who was going to deny it, you know, like, yeah, your right. You definitely screwed up.

DJ Stutz  18:54
Yeah.  Its the  other kids falt  yeah, he's bullying, or she's bullying, right? 

Wolfgang Bennion  18:59
Yeah.  And it was one of the things like, anyways, well, yeah, Wolf, hit him. Yep, that's, you hit him. Like, that's, that's no one's fault, but your own. His face didn't just trip into your fist. It's, it was 100% your fault. Uh huh. So now you have to deal with the punishment when usually, whether that punishment was getting suspended, I think that happened once, or whether it was just getting yelled at by my dad when we got home, you need to learn to control your emotions, because regardless of whether you started the fight or not, you're still gonna get in trouble for that fight, whereas if you were to just control yourself and maintain control your emotions and just walked away, nothing would have happened, right?

DJ Stutz  19:36
And I like that you you and your dad were talking about how where the alternatives were that would have made it decelerate, or just walking away, giving someone not that time. So that, I think is really important. So my listeners, who've listened for me long, any of the families I coach, they know one of the big things that I really push to help families come together with whatever the top. Is, honestly, including self discipline. Is weekly family meetings, and so giving kids, especially when they're little, chance to practice, to role play. So, oh, I got in this situation, but you do it when tempers are calm, when you're super riled up, you're not learning anything, yeah, you're just angry. And so you have to get it when it's calm. And if you do it at a different time and say, Hey, let's practice this. So you know that one kid that you were always in trouble with, right, always going after and so maybe your dad could role play, or your mom even that kid, what are you gonna do? Yeah, what are you gonna do now? And then you're thinking about it, and you have a lot of fun with it. You can be goofy with it, but when kids have a chance to it's like with sports, right? You get better. When you're practicing

Wolfgang Bennion  20:51
Yeah, whenhen you practice.  Any anything is gonna anything you do, whether it's sports or controlling emotions, whether it's reading, math and sports, very few things are just gonna come naturally. It's all it's all going to take work. There are people out there who are very successful, who are just born with the natural ability, you know, but the people who were born without ability never had to do anything with it, whereas the people who've had to work for it and put in the effort, you're going to see a big difference in one, appreciation for that ability and two, level of skill, yeah, because raw talent can only get you so far right. But whereas, if you're willing to put in that work and make those hard decisions and sacrifice and put in the practice, the sky's the limit, 

DJ Stutz  21:30
Yeah, well, and too, there's that saying that, well, there's a couple of them. So as educators, I remember my dad even talking about that. He took great pride in weeding out the unworthy of electrochemical engineering, yeah, like, if you can say it, I think I'm really impressed with you, but he would say how there were kids who came in that everything came easy to them in high school, they didn't have to really do homework. They could just take a test. They knew it, it all came to them. And then they get to college, they don't have the work ethic that they needed, and all of a sudden, now, oh, it's hard. Or wait, I've always gotten A's. It's your fault that I'm not getting the A. And it's like, no, no, no. You know, these are the standards. This is it. You're either willing to put the effort in. But So oftentimes, and this comes to the next saying is that a students wind up working for C students, because a lot of times a students have everything coming to them so easily. And there are kids who really do work their butt off Absolutely. And then there's that natural thing, but the C students are the ones that are having to hustle and to figure around things and and to that. I guess there's a thing, sorry parents, that sometimes a students don't have the social skills that a C student has, yeah, so let's look at the whole child. Let's not get all nuts. My daughter, Rocky, yeah, and her son, Sylvan. And I remember at the end of the year, I said, so how did Sylvan do the school? And she goes, he is perfectly average, and I love it. And he works hard. He's got his high things, he's got the things he needs to work on. But parents sometimes get so caught up in well, my child is straight as my child is the captain of the team, or whatever it is, and it's like, no, my child's working his butt off, and he got a B minus, but I will value that b minus more than the A that came so easy. Yeah, because that's showing that self discipline of I gotta work harder. I gotta get this done. I've got to make it go. And so you really want to help your kids with that, and so be more interested in the process rather than the result?  Yeah. So,

Wolfgang Bennion  23:45
I mean, I agree. I mean, there are people, and a lot of them who just get A's never have to work for it. 

DJ Stutz  23:50
I was always jealous of them. 

Wolfgang Bennion  23:52
Me too, especially my mine is always jealous about was people in math who always understood that and never had to work for it. I mean, granted, you're gonna have to work with any kind of math, whether it's calculus or rocket surgery. Rocket surgery, yeah, I've never, never been good at math. And to my detriment, I've never really been interested or cared enough to put in the work, right? And so my I see people who have put in the work, you can definitely tell people who have put in the work and have gotten good, versus someone who's like, Oh, I'm just a math you know. And I'll take my little brother, for example. I mean, he might be my little brother, but he is one of the people who I look up to most in this life. Because just because I see how hard he's worked, I'm gonna pick on him for a little bit, but we would always play a game, because he always had the hardest time spelling as far as plays games like, oh, we tell him a word, like, Hey, can you spell this word? Generally, they tended to be pretty simple words, but then brown flips that switch and says he wants to go to West Point. He's like, Well, you're gonna have to write a lot of essays. And so he's talked to English teachers in high school. He's talked to my mom, who's written more essays than I can count, and has even helped me with my essays and writing those 30 page colors. Papers, and he's put in that work, and now he's he's gotten to be really good at writing. And the same thing with math. He wasn't as bad as I was in math, but I mean, to get a degree in mechanical engineering from West Point, which I'll argue is Harvard and Yale Eat your heart out, is the most challenging collagen in America. He wasn't all A's, but he definitely got his degree in mechanical engineering, and that's pretty much entirely math, like, that's, that's a lot of work. Yeah, you know. And you get people who, I know, several people from high school, college, whatever, who were just naturally good at math, never had to put in the work. But then as soon as you get something they don't understand or can't wrap their head around, it's like a roadblock, and they've note they never had to work for it before. So they're, yeah, they just can't fathom the idea of wait. This doesn't make sense to me, but if you get people, I like my brother, who will put in the work and put in those late hours of going to tutors, talking to your professors, and that's where you're going to get the real benefit

DJ Stutz  25:55
Well. And I can tell you as a teacher that when I would try to help kids, but I knew they were going to be successful when they would come to me and say, even in kindergarten, can you help me with this like I want to know? And you can see these straits developing even that young. And of course, there's plenty of time to switch it around and to help your kid and turn them around. But when you see a child that comes in, even in kindergarten, and they have that attitude of, I want to learn something new, or they get excited when they figured something out, those light bulb moments. That's why every teacher is a teacher, yep, those light bulb moments. So some kids, I think, like with everything, some kids are natural artists, yeah, some kids are natural athletes. Some kids are natural mathematicians. But every child has something on every adult, let's be honest, that they are going to need to put effort in and to work on to get better. So if you had a child that is academically gifted and they are all high we need to be sure that we're finding something that we can insert in their life, that they need to work for, that they need to work for, that's going to be hard for them. When I was teaching on the top of my classroom, I had these words, you know, the laminate words that you can stick on your walls. And it was, we are kind, we are smart, and we do hard things. When my grandson was here this summer, and he'll say, this is hard.  That's perfect, because we do hard things. Yeah, exactly. And you can start seeing his attitude changing, 

Wolfgang Bennion  27:30
Yeah.  And, I mean, the same thing goes for Leo. You see him struggle with things. And I think this goes with a lot of parents. You know, you see your kids struggle, learning to do something, or struggling to figure something out, and you want your first reaction, oh, let me show you. Let me, let me do this for you. And I'm just as guilty of that was, yeah, it's not. I see Leo struggling with this. My Oh, I can fix this. Let me, let me take care of that. And credit to my wife, she's the one who has my note like he needs to figure this out for himself. Because if you do this for him, you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. You teach him how to fish. You feed him for a lifetime. Is that thing like, Oh, if you just give this to her, but you do this for him, it's going to be the same problem over and over again, but you let Leo, or let your child figure this out, and then the next time they go at it, they're gonna be better at it. Yeah, as a parent with Leo, few things make my day or brighten my soul up as much as watching Leo get that moment where it clicks, or he figures something out, and he immediately just turns to me and his mom with the biggest smile on his face. That's it makes my day. I love seeing when that happens,

DJ Stutz  28:30
And that opportunity would be missed if you were always jumping in and fixing it for him and doing things for him exactly. You know, even when kids are arguing, I kind of want to step back like, Huh? Let's see where this goes. Let them have that opportunity to try and work it out. And you know, brothers and sisters will punch each other. Best friends, especially with their boys, will punch each other, yep. So, all right, well, what are you going to do with that? 

Wolfgang Bennion  28:57
I think some of the nastiest fights I've ever gotten and have been with have been with bear and yeah, he's still one of my 

DJ Stutz  29:02
nickname for Browning, by the way. 

Wolfgang Bennion  29:04
So I call, I call Browning brown bear, yeah, yeah.

DJ Stutz  29:07
So he's bear, too much of the family. Yeah,

Wolfgang Bennion  29:09
no, so I forgot that that's okay, but they all know bear.  Yeah, no. So Browning, or I call him bear, some of the gnarliest balls to the wall. Fights have been with brown. Blood has been shed. Fights have happened like mom has had to intervene. But just because siblings fight or have disagreements, that doesn't mean that their relationship is ruined. They hate each other. I mean, I've got, I'm not sure if it's faded or not, but I still have a scar right here on my nose, if you can see. I'm not sure if this can Yeah, that was from Brown. We got into a fight, and I that fight got nasty fast and busted my nose open, and that's one of my memories I have. Yeah, this isn't just little kid brown anymore. We're, if I'm gonna fight, it's a fight. He's growing up. Yeah, I mean, we still get in arguments, but I'd be a liar if I said that bear isn't my best friend. In the whole world, right? Yeah, you know, I mean, other than my wife, like, I can see it when you guys are together, you can really see it. Yeah, there's nothing I wouldn't, wouldn't do for him. Despite all the fights, you know, all the disagreements we've gotten in and still get in, there's nothing we wouldn't do for each other,  yeah.  And so there's that. 

DJ Stutz  29:58
There's another piece to self discipline there, in understanding that things happen, but it's not going to change the love that I have for this person, whether it's a spouse, a child, a sibling, a friend, 

Wolfgang Bennion  30:29
Yeah, and with that self discipline, it's not just with a spouse or friend, like with your job. I just finished up three years at standard plumbing supply, and my boss, Duke, if you ever visit standard plumbing Rexburg. Go talk to Duke. He's he knows his stuff. If you have a plumbing problem, but you work for someone for three years. Yeah, you're gonna have disagreements. You know, in certain areas, situations, yeah, voices are gonna be raised. You're gonna have disagreements, but at the end of the day, that relationship is still there. I mean, if you're a good employee, hopefully if you have a good boss, so recognize, yeah, we had a disagreement. We got upset, but he's still a good employee. Well, that doesn't change who he is. And as an employee, it's your job. I realize, like, Yeah, we had a disagreement, but that's still my boss. You know, that's still the guy who keeps me having a job. And despite all our disagreements, I'll say Duke is one of the best people I have ever worked for. I've never had a boss is willing to take care of his employees. As Duke, he'll, he'll bend over backwards to make things happen, but part of that is remembering, you know, having that discipline of just because you have a disagreement doesn't mean that your relationship is ruined. I've seen several people come through that store who I've worked with, who they weren't bad people. Just because you have a disagreement doesn't make you a bad person. But right? They'd get in a disagreement with Duke or with another employee and just couldn't let it go, yeah, and then whether that ends up with them quitting or getting fired, like it's not being able to see beyond your own emotions and to realize just because you have a disagreement doesn't mean your relationship is ruined. To be able to have that disagreement and then let the dust settle and go back to Okay, here we go. We're still friends, we're still co workers. We gotta keep working. Life moves on.

DJ Stutz  31:59
That's such a huge part of self discipline that we really don't teach or we don't really talk about it, although we see it all the time. I mean, we're in the middle of this big election, and depending on what's if you're on one side, you're a bad person, or you're an idiot, or you're stupid, or you're whatever. And no, they just have a different point of view. Maybe they don't have the same information that you have, but that's a fine time to be able to say, Yeah, well, I'll show you how I got to where I am. I want to hear how you got to where you are. I may not change my I probably won't change my opinion, but at least I understand where you're coming from 

Wolfgang Bennion  32:41
exactly you know. Like, just because you have differences doesn't mean that you can't be friends. You know exactly. Just because you disagree with someone on a few aspects doesn't mean you have to hate them as a person, and just because you agree with someone on certain aspects doesn't mean you're gonna blindly follow them anywhere exactly, like with my mother in law. Like, it's not like we have different political opinions. We have things that we see differently about and we talk about it all the time, but we've never gotten in each other's faces. We've never been disrespectful. In fact, she's one of the few people who are like, Yeah, I'll talk politics with you. We believe the same thing, but at the end of the day, she's awesome, Despite our disagreements on certain things, I hit the in law jackpot. I love her to death, and before and before and after, our disagreements with like, well, not disagreements, but our discourse is discussing, you know, I still love her like she's she's taking great care of me and my wife. Having those disagreements or having different views doesn't mean that you're a bad person or the other. The person who believes differently from you is a bad person. You're allowed to have different viewpoints, yeah, and still be friends with people

DJ Stutz  33:41
exactly. A great lesson to help our society as a whole move forward and become better. Yep, all right, well, Wolf, we're about done. Isn't that crazy? It's not it goes fast. 

Wolfgang Bennion  33:52
That's crazy. How quick time flies when you're having fun 

DJ Stutz  33:56
and I'm always fun. 

Wolfgang Bennion  33:57
Oh yeah, it's always fun coming to hang out with you. Yeah? 

DJ Stutz  34:01
Well, thank you. It's always fun to you come. I love it. I'm gonna miss you when you're gone

Wolfgang Bennion  34:05
gonna miss you too, for sure,

DJ Stutz  34:07
I know I'm gonna miss your son more though I think,  oh yeah, my parents are the same way, like, Yeah, I'm gonna miss you. But how dare you take Leo, yeah, your moving?  Oh, well, Leo's gonna miss you,

Wolfgang Bennion  34:22
yeah? It's something that they're really bummed about. Is missing out with Leo.

DJ Stutz  34:25
I know, I know, and I've been through it. I mean, all my kids have spread out and their jobs and education and marriage and whatever's taking them to different parts of the country, and God bless them, and I want them the best, and I'll go see as much as I can, but it's their life. Yeah, that's it. Anyway. Okay, so before we end, I always ask my guests the same question, and you ought to go back and listen to what your mom and dad said. That would be interesting. Now, there's no perfect parents, but some parents are more successful than others, how would you consider a successful parent? 

Wolfgang Bennion  35:03
I think it's definitely one of those questions that it's like asking someone in the military, what's your favorite branch? Is there gonna be biased towards their branch? And people ask me, Oh, do you like the army? Like, what's your favorite branch? Right? Oh, the army. That's That's what I mean. So when people ask, What's What do you think a successful parent is? My first thought goes immediately towards my mom and my dad. No parent is perfect, and my parents will be the first ones to admit they're not perfect, and there are things they look back on and wish they'd done differently, but looking back, I think the way my parents raised me, and that's what makes a successful parent, whether it's with my dad teaching me that work ethic and having me in a weight room, since I could walk, I've grown up in a weight room with athletics or watching my mom achieve those goals, because there was definitely a significant overlap between when she was working towards CrossFit and studying for a PhD, and she was doing that, those two things, which, in and of themselves are extremely hard, and then taking care of me, my brother, my sister, I guess, and working as a nurse. Exactly, I'm working those night shifts as a nurse, so seeing the work ethic that I've been taught from both my parents, and then just having that relationship with them. I mean, yeah, you're gonna get in trouble with your parents. But I've never really felt like, no matter what I've done and I've done some crazy things, I've never really felt like I've ever ruined my relationship with my parents. I guess, no matter what, no matter how much defecation hits the oscillator to avoid, to avoid saying certain things, you can always come back to your parents and they'll always be there for you. And I think, above all, I think that's what's going to make a successful parent, is knowing that regardless of what your parenting style is or how your kid behaves, making sure it's instilled in them, that no matter what, you love them and they're always welcome under your roof. And I think that's the biggest thing a parent can do. Is that we just moved out of our apartment. We're living with my parents for a little bit, till I have to go to my train. To go to my training. They're just super happy to have us there. We've never thought for a second that they don't want us there. No matter what you do, make sure your kids understand that there's nothing they can do that will decrease the love you have for them.  Yeah.  Awesome. Good advice. Mr. Wolfgang Binion, thank you. Yep. So fun. All right. Well, thank you so much for spending we've been talking about wanting to do this, and then you're getting ready to leave. I'm like, we got to do this, so talk about this for a while. 

DJ Stutz  37:09
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is a lot of fun, and I love the perspective of the brand new dad and just getting started. And that's also cool. So thank you very much for coming in, and it was my pleasure anytime with your old aunt. DJ, Oh, love you, buddy. 

Wolfgang Bennion  37:26
Love you. DJ, thanks.

DJ Stutz  37:28
So everyone next week, we'll continue our conversation on self discipline, but until then, let's find joy in parenting. See ya.  Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting. You


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